


Rick Sanchez Screws His Way Around the Multi-verse

by Saint_Rick_The_Dick



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blood, Blood Play, Dirty Talk, Drool licking, Dry Humping, Dubious Consent, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Grinding, Light Angst, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Pain, Period Sex, Rick's drool, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Surgery, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Violence, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-02-14 04:44:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 57
Words: 38,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13000143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saint_Rick_The_Dick/pseuds/Saint_Rick_The_Dick
Summary: Here shall live a collection of my drabbles and shorter fics all featuring some version of Rick Sanchez. Check out @another-sanchez-slut on tumblr for more.





	1. Miami Rick x Fem Reader

**Author's Note:**

> Request was as follows: BLESS US WITH YOUR PERVIEST MIAMI RICK OH DEMON OF THE RICK DOMINION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW: Rough Sex, PIV and Anal sex

 

 

Life with Rick was a constantly rotating carousel of decadence. It was shopping sprees in LA, midnight jaunts to Havana in his private jet, champagne tasting in the northeast region of France, and opulent, custom made jewelry, adorning your fingers, wrists and neck. But occasionally, he could be… difficult.

“W-why do you always wear the same thing? Y-y-you have a walk in closet the size of a - of a fucking 747 hanger a-a-and yet I-I never see anything  _new_?”

He was irritated, scowling at your chosen outfit - a tailor-made, yellow sundress adorned with a delicate flower pattern along the hem. Frowning, you glanced down.

“What’s wrong with it? It’s comfortable. We had it commissioned in Italy two months ago.”

But his sneer told you that was the wrong response. He slid his sunglasses down to the tip of his nose affording you a view of his narrowed eyes.

“Baby, I-I-I don’t keep you around so you can be  _comfortable_. I keep you around because I like the way your ass moves when you walk. And because I-I-I like the way you look when you wear that frilly shit you like so much, and -  _and_ because I like the  _face_  you make when I fuck you  _stupid._ Now,  _go change._ ”

Pouting, you turned on your heel and headed to your room. You had half a mind to come back down completely naked, or maybe wearing nothing more than a petticoat - frilly  _indeed_  - but suppressed the urge. When he was in one of these moods, Rick could be unpredictable, volatile. No need further risk his wrath. So instead you settled on a form fitting black dress he had purchased for you last weekend. He liked seeing your bare legs, so it hit just above your mid thigh. You didn’t bother to put on panties, this way if you were to bend over, he’d have a generous view. Just how he liked it.

When you once again headed downstairs, he was on his phone, thumbs flying, his toothpick traveling back and forth across his lips in concentration. At the sound of your footsteps he looked up - did a double take - and then grinned, his wide mouth stretching to reveal his perfect teeth. Tossing the device on the couch, he motioned you over.

“Thaaaaat’s better, princess. C’mere. C-come sit on my lap.”

Straddling his thighs, the dress rode up, allowing him to grab at your bare ass which he did with enthusiasm. You bit your lip, knowing what he liked, just how to tease him, and so you ground your hips down, relishing the way he sucked in breath, the sound of his grunt.

“Mmmm keep - keep going, baby.”

He had shifted his hands to your hips and was encouraging your movement, nudging you back and forth along the crotch of his trousers. It didn’t take long before you started to feel his cock, half erect but quickly stiffening, and you wrapped your arms around his neck, extended them outwards, intertwining your fingers behind his head.

“Rick… “

Panting, you continued to roll your hips, your arousal now a sweet note low in your belly. You were already wet and knew you had to be making a mess, smearing your slickness along his pants, but he didn’t seem to mind. Rather, he was enjoying this slow build, the way your mouth was half open, your cheeks flushed.

“That’s - that’s gooood, baby. I-I-I’m gonna fuck you right - right there on the floor but first y-y-you’re gonna cum for me.”

Slipping his hand between your thighs, you lifted up just enough to allow him to slide two fingers into your cunt where he curled them and beckoned inside of you. You ground down, his thumb coming up to rub circles around your clit as you bucked and moaned. Already your pussy was clenching, the ease with which he manipulated you complete. He knew what you needed to fall apart.

“Cum for me, baby girl. L-l-let’s hear it.” 

Your release took you, making your back arc and your jaw clench. Even as you twitched around him, his fingers never ceased, drawing out your pleasure until it bled into pain. 

The grin was back, that feral look, and before you had time to react he was spilling you to the floor, rolling you over on to your tummy and forcing your head down with one hand. Your hips he grabbed and yanked upwards, ass to crotch. There was that familiar sound of his belt buckle and fly, and then he was thrusting, shoving himself into your abused cunt. Wailing, you clawed at the plush carpet as he started to fuck you.

“Such a - such a  _good_  little princess, taking my cock. Y-y-you always want to look  _nice_ for me don’t you? S-s-since  _I’m_  the one who pays for all of your  _shit.”_

He punctuated that last word with a slap on your ass, making you yelp. There was the wet sound of him sucking on his fingers, and then he was pressing two of them to your puckered entrance, slipping inside, probing and stretching. You whimpered at the sting but he ignored you, his hips slowing as he pulled his cock from your pussy and aligned it with your asshole. When he started to push in, slowly, you willed yourself to relax, to breathe through the initial pain, and when the head breached that little ring of muscle his thrusts were tempered as he worked you open with his cock.

“ _Fuck -_  oh fuck that ass is -  _sso tight.”_

Once all resistance was gone, so was his restraint, and he pounded you, his pelvis slapping against your thighs, his hands gripping your hips hard enough to feel the sharp edges of your bones. You sobbed, bringing a hand up to rub at your clit, only to have him snap at your impudence.

“Don’t you -  _no touching._ Not till I  _say so.”_

You obeyed, taking everything he had to give you. His lust would not be pacified, so intent was he on breaking you down only to build you back up in whatever image he saw fit. He was unrelenting, his rhythm fierce and insistent, and he groaned and cursed his pleasure as he fucked your ass. Finally, you could take it no more, the empty cavern of your pussy throbbing with that sweet ache. 

“ _Please -_ Rick  _please!_ I need to cum! Let me touch myself!”

Growling, he relented.

“Do it. Do it, baby.  _Cum for me.”_

With three swipes of your fingers you spasmed and came for a second time, your release crashing into you, robbing you of breath and sense. You voice was a guttural howl that filled the room, your eyes squeezed shut as he fucked you through your climax in search of his own. 

“ _Good_  girl. That’s my -  _oh_ that’s my beautiful  _princess. So - so s-so perfect when you take my dick.”_

Rick stalled, his hips stuttering, his hands bruising. He groaned as he came, his words pouring out in a stuttered stream of filth and praise as he filled you. It was only a moment later that he pulled out, allowing you to slump fully over onto your side. You could feel his cum leaking from your ass as you laid there, still trying to catch your breath. 

He stood, tucking himself away and inspecting the stain on the front of his trousers. You expected him to chastise you, but instead he smirked.

“I-I-I guess that’s what I get for letting you hump me like a bitch in heat.”

Reaching down, he offered his hand and pulled you to your feet. You considered tugging your dress down into place, but decided against it. No point. Another wardrobe change was in order, anyway. It was as if Rick read your mind. 

“Alright, baby. Let’s uh - l-l-let’s get cleaned up. Shower. Fresh clothes. We have dinner reservations at 7.”


	2. Generic Rick x Gender Neutral Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request: You catch Rick going through Flesh Curtains related memorabilia. Some angst some fluff. Gender Neutral Reader.

“Is that you?”

For once, you had caught Rick by surprise - so consumed was he by the stack of old photos in front of him he hadn’t even heard your approaching footsteps. He turned, his face flashing annoyance at the interruption, though when he realized it was you the look disappeared. He handed over a picture.

“Yeah - it’s from when I was in the band. The Flesh Curtains. Good times. Traveled aaall over the multiverse. Lots of drugs.  _Lots_  of girls. I-I-I’ve forgotten more than I remember at this point, but uh - it was fun.”

Studying the photo, you were enthralled by this window into the past. The Rick that looked back at you was just as wiry - all long limbs and crazy hair - but this one was raw, unspoilt. His smile was more genuine, no hint of the snide ridicule that now perpetually curled Rick’s lips, and his eyes seemed almost hopeful, as he had yet to be beaten down and broken by the weight of his own invincible demons. There were two others beside him, a man wearing an odd headdress made of feathers who sported a pair of wings, and a creature that reminded you of a scrawny alley cat that spent too much time diving into dumpsters. 

“This is BirdPerson, right? And Squanchy? It looked like you were close. What happened to the band? Why did it break up?”

Rick grunted before snatching the photo away, shuffling the stack back together, and shoving them into a drawer of his workbench.

“None of your business.”

You blinked rapidly at his volatile shift in mood. Rick didn’t  _do_  feelings - you knew this and accepted it as just a part of his prickly personality -  but this seemed odd, almost forced, as only moments before he was perfectly willing to share this little bit of himself with you, break off a tiny piece of of his life to let you bask in its nostalgic warmth. Then it hit you.

“You miss them, don’t you? Your friends. Especially BirdPerson.”

That was the wrong thing to say. He whipped around, standing and towering over you in one movement, his mouth twisted downward, his eyes narrowed. Poking your chest, he snarled.

“Y-you can cut that shit  _right_  out. Go grief counsel some other schmuck cause I-I-I don’t want it. Pity parties aren’t my idea of a good time, and I don’t need you digging your little fingers into my  _poor feelings_ trying to - to analyze me and - and -  _understand_. No sympathy required, got it? So quit before you piss me off.”

Resisting the urge to step back, to be intimidated by his obvious deflection, you returned his stare, though your eyes were not filled with the same stubborn fury. Your next move was critical, knowing if you nudged too far in either direction - accepting his refusal entirely or continuing to press the issue - Rick would simply close up, once again shutting down the part of himself he was ashamed to acknowledge.

“Do you have any recordings of your old songs?”

Rick blinked, caught off guard, and stuttered incoherently for a moment before his mouth caught up to his brain.

“Yeah - yeah I do. Y-y-you want to hear them?”

Smiling, you nodded. “Yea, I’d like that.”

After some rummaging through old boxes, Rick pulled out a dusty tape deck that looked as if it had stepped directly from the movie  _Say Anything_. He popped in a cassette and pressed play. What came from the speakers was technically music, but it reminded you more of the sound of empty, tin trash cans banging together while someone screamed in the background. Rick could tell by your expression this was not what you were expecting, and he snorted.

“We uh - we weren’t very good. I-I-I really don’t know why we were so popular.”

You couldn’t help it and you laughed at his admission, at the honesty in his voice. And as the song ended and he hit the button to stop the tape, you took a deep breath, moved in and hugged him. Rick stiffened immediately, and you could feel his indecision roiling, burning under his skin, but then he paused and softened, the tension dropping from his shoulders, his hands pressing to your back. The contact was brief, less than 5 seconds, and then you pulled away silently, knowing he wouldn’t abide anything further.

His brow was furrowed when you met his eyes again, though whether it was sentiment or annoyance you weren’t sure. And so you said the only thing that you knew would bring him back to himself, wipe away the longing and remorse, those alien emotions he struggled so much to deny.

“You look like a man who could use a blow job.”

Instantly, his face shifted and he grinned. That faraway look evaporating, replacing itself with his usual snarky confidence. 

“Noooow we’re talking.  _That’s_  the kind of therapy I can get behind.” 


	3. Priest Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request: I grew up in a super strict religious household and love every Priest Rick fic I can get my hands on. Mind writing a sinnful Priest Rick??
> 
> Content Warning for Anal sex

“Bless me Father for I have sinned. It has been 3 weeks since my last confession.”

You sat in the dark confessional booth, the door pulled closed as you waited for the priest to provide his customary response. Nervous, you fidgeted, as you’d seen Father Rick during Mass that morning but weren’t sure if he would be the one providing absolution today.

“Wh-what are your sins, my child?”

Immediately you shivered, the sound of his voice sending a warmth down between your thighs. You knew it was wrong, sinful, to lust after a man of the cloth but you couldn’t help yourself. Father Rick was delicious - his long limbs, nimble fingers and wild hair always left you squirming in the pew when services were complete. Despite your attempts to concentrate on his words, you inevitably spent his entire sermon imagining him fucking you on the altar below the crucified Jesus as you screamed his name. 

Clearing your throat and your head, you replied.

“Father, I… I fear there is desire in my heart. I want something I shouldn’t and I’m not sure what to do about it.”

You heard Rick shift on his side of the screen - there was a clink of metal and then a gulp as he took a pull from his flask. Most priests were alcoholics, he was no exception.

“Have you - have you tried asking God for direction? T-to help you find a way to get past your covetous thoughts?

Biting your lip, you nodded. Your stomach was in knots as you prepared yourself for the impending rejection.

“Yes, Father. But… I’m afraid it’s not helping. You see, the thing I want is, well, it’s - it’s you.”

Rick stuttered and coughed, and you could tell you’d caught him off guard. Your cheeks burned with embarrassment, and you found yourself rubbing your thighs together, seeking relief, friction. 

His voice came back, low and guttural, and full of something you imagined was arousal. 

“Y-y-you want me?”

Throwing your head back, you stuffed a hand down your pants, no longer able to deny the creeping tension, that aching thirst. 

“Ohmygod, yes. Yes Father, I - I want you so bad.”

There was the shift of clothing as he stood, and then the small screen between the two sections of the booth was yanked back. He whispered, so as to not be overheard.

“I - I can’t put it where you - where you want me to, but y-you can - you can suck it or - or I can stick it - “

You finished his sentence for him “- in my ass?”

His response was instant, breathless, “Yes.”

You didn’t hesitate. Standing, you pulled down your pants and underwear, pressing yourself up against the square that represented your only window to this man. 

“Please, Father. Fuck me in the ass, please.”

He mumbled - “Oh, ffuck” - and then you felt him grab at your exposed flesh through the partition. There was the wet sound of him sucking on his fingers, and then he was slipping one into your puckered entrance followed swiftly by a second. They moved in and out of you, scissoring and stretching, working to open you up, and you moaned, bringing a hand up between your thighs to rub at your swollen clit. 

His voice came again, hoarse and quiet “M-my - it - it’s big. This - it’ll probably hurt at first.”

Such concern even as he defiled you, but you didn’t care how big he was, you just wanted him inside of you.

“It doesn’t matter. Fuck me. I need you to fuck me.”

There was the sound of him hawking, and then he spit, using that wetness to slick himself before he pressed the head of his fat cock at your tight entrance and applied gentle pressure. You stuffed your fingers into your mouth to stifle the noise as he slowly pushed past the ring of muscle and slid into your ass. 

He was right, his cock was big, and it was too much at first as you struggled not to sob with pain, but once he started moving, his hips thrusting, your complaints were soon forgotten as your body responded to him by flooding you with a burning need that was overwhelming, all-encompassing. 

Rubbing your clit, you smothered your pants and whines as best you could as he fucked you, his own breath coming fast and uneven from the other side. It wasn’t going to take you long, the raw desire you felt for him coupled with the knowledge that what you were doing was a grave sin in the eyes of God was enough to almost push you over the edge right then, and so when your orgasm began to crest you told him, your voice held purposefully low.

“Father! Rick - I - I’m gonna cum!”

There was a grumbling moan from him as he picked up speed, still working towards his own release.

“C-cum for me, baby. I’m gonna - gonna cum in that ass s-s-so cum for me.”

With a muzzled whimper, your orgasm peaked and your thighs shook. You braced yourself against the walls of the confessional, willing yourself to be quiet as the waves of your release threatened to steal your senses. Rick was close behind you, and his tempo increased before he lost his rhythm, his groan loud and obscene in the small space as he pumped you full of his cum.

Rick pulled out, causing you to stumble and fall forward. You could feel his cum beginning to leak from your ass as you groped for your clothes, trying to put yourself back together before you stepped outside. You heard him grunt, and you turned around to see his face peering in at you from his side of the booth.

“S-same time next week?”

Grinning, you nodded.


	4. Math Professor Rick x Fem reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request for reader having unrequited sexy/romantic feelings for Rick. What leads to him rejecting someone? Math Professor Rick.
> 
> CW: Oral sex, anal sex, humiliation/degradation.

Professor Rick Sanchez was a vulgar, dour old drunk. He frequently showed up to class reeking of booze - usually vodka, but sometimes whiskey - his clothes rumpled, face twisted into a scowl as he stalked into the room and threw his bag onto the desk, sending papers and pens flying. He was quick to ridicule, his biting comments lamenting the idiocy of everyone around him, resulting in embarrassed silence on behalf of the poor recipient. The man was obviously a genius, his proofs were always flawless, and even the brightest students in class struggled to follow his thought processes as he moved too quickly, his hand a blur against the chalkboard when he scribbled down the complicated formulas. But none of that made you hate him, quite the opposite in fact - you were smitten.

It didn’t happen overnight, instead it was a gradual development, your obsession starting out as a mere admiration for his intelligence, for his refusal to take shit or accept excuses. Soon enough, though, you found yourself sitting in his class, daydreaming, imagining his lips on yours, his large hands running over the curves of your body, the way he would feel moving against you as the two of you made love. He was lanky, tall, well over six feet, and this only served to increase your attraction as you thought about him picking you up, cradling you against his chest and carrying you off like some kind of grumpy prince charming.

He’d caught you staring more than once, your face flushed as you rubbed your thighs together beneath your desk to try and ease some of the sweet tension that seemed to burst forth as soon as you were in his presence. The first time he’d sneered at you, narrowing his eyes in disgust or amusement, you couldn’t tell, and it’d made your cheeks burn as you blinked rapidly to clear your thoughts. But every time after that, he delighted in it, calling on you when he could tell you were distracted, forcing you from your reveries and making you stutter as you attempted to respond to his rapid fire questions.

Today, you had been particularly preoccupied. The weather had turned warm, and he’d removed his jacket to roll up his sleeves. You were too busy focusing on his bare forearms, the way the lean muscle flowed beneath the skin as he scratched calculations on the chalkboard, to notice when people began to file out of the room.

“Hey - hey!“

Professor Sanchez was in your face, snapping his fingers. It startled you, making you jump back at his sudden closeness. Jesus, how long had you been sitting there lost in your own head?

“Yeah, th-there we go. Wake up, dum-dum. Class is - class is over. Y-you planning on spending the night here or something?”

With him so near, you could smell him, a pungent mixture of alcohol and cologne, and you resisted the urge to lick your lips. Your pupils had dilated, your breath coming in short bursts from your nose as you struggled to sit still, the desire which had pooled between your legs sharp and insistent. He noticed all of this, of course, and the look he gave you transitioned from annoyance to sinister glee as he started to smirk.

“H-how long have you been sitting here fantasizing about me?”

You gasped, your cheeks flushing at the question, at his lack of subtlety. But he wasn’t interested in your self-effacing reaction, placing his hands on your desk so he could press his sneer closer, his eyes boring into you.

“Yyyeaaaah, you - you think I didn’t notice? Tell me and don’t lie, I’ll know - do you - do you finger that little pussy at night and moan my name? Think about this - this old cock filling you up, f-fucking you open, my cum dripping from that wet cunt?” 

Your embarrassment changed to abject humiliation, your voice coming out in a breathless squeak. The heat you’d felt before was now a raging inferno and you squirmed in your seat, no longer able to deny your need for him.

He straightened up, looking down his nose at you. You did your best not to notice the bulge in his pants but your stupid eyes betrayed you, focusing on that delicious display of his arousal. He grunted once.

“Y-you want to fuck me? Fine. But we - we do this my way. Got it? None of this - none of this romance bullshit so many of you little sluts seem to get off on these days.”

Nodding, you could only manage a whispered - “Yes” - before his hand gripped your shoulder and pushed you out of your seat and down to the floor. You hit the ground hard, wincing.

Rick gripped your jaw in one large hand and squeezed, forcing your lips apart. He shoved two fingers in and down your throat, flattening your tongue, and you gagged as he probed, exploratory.

“Hmm. Good. Y-you got a small mouth. My - my cock will fit in there niiiiiice and snug. But first, y-you’re gonna suck on my balls.”

Releasing your jaw, he undid his belt buckle and took down his fly before shifting around his underwear to remove his cock. When you saw it your eyes went wide with uncertainty. It was huge, thick and veiny, the head bulbous. He grinned at your obvious dismay, his hand running up along the shaft.

“Yeah it’s uh - pretty fucking impressive right? Don’t worry, y-you’ll get your fill. Not - not yet though.”

Placing his hand back in his pants he removed his balls. They hung low, large and hairy, and at first you were hesitant, but he chided you for your resistance.

“C’mon, y-you agreed to this. So let’s - let’s go. Get to sucking.”

You shifted forward on your knees and pressed your lips to his sack before pulling one testicle into your mouth. It earned you a moan and, newly encouraged, you rolled your tongue over the wrinkled skin, bringing up a hand to fondle the remainder of the exposed flesh. Glancing up, you met his eyes as he stroked his cock, his teeth worrying his bottom lip.

“Nnf fuck that’s - that’s good. Keep going.”

Slipping the other one into your mouth, you sucked, breathing through your nose as he continued to work his shaft.

“Shit, baby. Y-you’re better at this than I thought you’d be. Spend a lot of time with - with wrinkly old balls in your mouth, huh?”

You blushed furiously at his words, your cheeks burning, but you didn’t stop. Finally, he pulled back, removing his balls only to replace it with the head of his cock.

“Open up, this - i-it’s gonna be a tight fit.”

He wasn’t wrong, as when he shoved in he almost immediately hit the back of your throat, making you gag and grab at his thighs to keep yourself steady. Extending your jaw, you struggled to accommodate his girth, drool already running from your lips, tears springing to your eyes as he fucked your face.

Encasing your head in both of his hands, he thrust his narrow hips at a rapid pace, giving no care for your comfort. He groaned and swore above you as you labored to breathe, your cheeks now wet with track marks. You thought he might cum, but then he stopped and removed himself. He surveyed the damage that was your face before grunting once in approval and pulling you to your feet.

With a hand on your shoulder he turned and then shoved you over so that your ass was to his crotch. Flipping up the hem of your skirt, he ran two fingers over your clothed pussy, making you whine and push back against the welcome friction. You were aching, desperate for him to touch you, to fill you, and he knew it. He gripped your panties in his fist and yanked, the fabric giving way, exposing you fully.

“Hmm, I - I know you want me in that pussy, baby but, uh I-I’m calling the shots here sooooo, we’re - we’re doing something a little different.”

You heard him snarl and then spit before something warm and damp ran down the crack of your ass. His finger slipped that wetness inside your puckered entrance as you whined, pleading with him to reconsider.

“Wait wait - I’ve never done that before!”

But he just chuckled.

“Eeeeeeven better.”

It burned as he worked you open, stretching you to prepare you for his cock. He ran his other hand along your wet slit to gather the moisture there and he used it to lube himself, and then he was pressing the fat head at your tight entrance, pushing in slowly as you sobbed, your nails digging into the wood of the desk. The pain was intense and you hunched over, quivering as he forced his way into your ass, the little ring of muscle finally giving way, allowing him to sink inside with a groan.

“Goddamn that’s - ah it’s so - tight.”

Rick gripped your hips with both hands as he began to fuck you. His movements were sluggish at first, but they soon transitioned into a pounding rhythm, his pelvis slapping against the back of your ass and thighs as your body accommodated him.

Finally, the discomfort began to dissipate, and in its stead came a throbbing desire, a primal urge that was cresting, building within you. Sounds issued from your throat you didn’t know you could make as he fucked you, his relentless pursuit of his own pleasure pushing you closer and closer to your end.

“Y-you wanna cum, don’t you baby? I can tell. This - this may be your first time getting - nnf - fucked in the ass but - but sluts like you always fucking love it.”

Whatever dignity you had remaining finally disintegrated with those words, and you pressed your forehead to the top of your desk and wailed, begging him.

“Please Professor - please make me cum!”

Rick growled, and sped up.

“I-I’m not doing shit, baby. Rub that clit. Go - go on.”

Bringing a hand up between your thighs, your fingers found your clit. As soon as you touched yourself the world went white and you moaned at the new sensation, the rush of pleasure flooding your system. Rick knew you were close, and his hands dug into the skin at your waist as he continued to push both of you towards orgasm.

“L-let’s hear it, baby. Cum for me - cum with my cock in your ass.”

With one last swipe of your fingers you came, howling, his name pouring from your lips as your release slammed into you and made your knees buckle. The intensity was too much, causing you to fall forward over the desk, your cheek pressing to the cool wood as you sobbed and twitched. Rick didn’t stop, his own climax coming a moment later. His hips lost their rhythm and then he was growling, swearing as his balls tightened and he filled you with his cum.

You felt him pull out and then you slumped to your knees, exhausted, ruined as his cum started to leak from your ass. When you finally turned to look up at him he’d already tucked himself away.

He glared at you from above before pointing at the door, his lips twisted into a cruel sneer.

“Now, get the fuck out of my classroom, slut. And if I-I catch you daydreaming one more time you - you’ll be seeing me again next semester, got it?”


	5. Generic Rick x Gender Neutral Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick uses your shoulder as a pillow. SFW, wholesome content.

Imagine Rick falls asleep on your shoulder. It doesn’t happen often. As much as he loves to lament his old age, complain about brittle bones and stiff joints, gripe at you about his bad circulation, he’s in excellent condition for a geriatric alcoholic who is at least 70. You’ve always chalked it up to the numerous cybernetic enhancements you knew he possessed, but whenever you’d question him about it he’d snap at you and feign deafness before changing the subject.

So on the rare occasions when his advanced age gets the better of him, such as now when he’s propped up solely by your presence, drool already beginning to leak out onto your shirt and staining it a darker shade of gray, his vulnerability is endearing, adorable.

You could count on two fingers the times you’ve seen him truly at the mercy of someone else, as the man isn’t just skeptical of others he’s downright paranoid. So knowing that his trust in you is so complete that he would do something as simple and intimate as drift off is reassuring, so seldom is it that he provides you with any emotional gratification at all, preferring to demonstrate his affections through more carnal means.

Not wanting to wake him, but not wishing to spend the evening beneath his weight, your extremity already going numb, you shift and try to push him onto his side along the length of the couch. He grumbles incoherently, his mouth moving, but before you’re able to lay him down his long arm wraps itself around your middle and you are pulled with him, your heads hitting the cushions almost simultaneously. He nuzzles into your hair, his lips dry, his breath tepid and smelling of booze. One of his legs winds inbetween your two, and that combined with his grip on your side and tummy means you’re solidly trapped against him.

Its in this position, his chest flush to your back, his strange warmth enveloping you, cradling you, that you finally fall asleep as well. And its right after you succumb to your exhaustion, your body going limp, your breath becoming slow and even, that he smiles with closed eyes and presses a kiss to the back of your neck.


	6. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi, could you maybe do one were Rick barges in on reader (female) masturbating?
> 
> CW: Masturbation, PIV, dirty talk.

“HEEEEY! W-we gotta, goooo baby! There’s an illegal arms convention in Dimension F-13-K11 and I need - “

At the sound of Rick’s voice, you jumped and yanked the blanket from the back of your couch, covering your naked lower half in an attempt to hide the hand between your thighs. You heard a surprised “Wha- oh!” from Rick, before his expression shifted from his initial confusion to predatory glee as he realized what he’d interrupted. 

Your face was burning, cheeks red with embarrassment as he narrowed his eyes. Looking down, he smirked before pulling the afghan away, exposing you once more, making you whine.

“Rick… I - come on.”

But he was unmoved by your pleas and shook his head.

“Noooo, no no. Keep uh - keep going, baby. I-I wanna watch.”

There was no arguing with him, and so you slowly resumed circling your sensitive clit. It didn’t take long for you to find that perfect rhythm, the consistent pressure you needed to push yourself close to the edge, and you couldn’t suppress your small moan when you could see how much he was enjoying this, his erection straining the front of his slacks.

“Goooood girl. Now - now stick those fingers in your pussy. I-I-I want to see your hand get all - all sloppy and wet.” 

Biting your lip, you complied, your hips rolling up as you started to fuck yourself. Rick palmed his cock through his pants, his grin lewd as he watched you. 

“Fuck that’s good. But don’t - no cumming. Y-y-you don’t deserve that yet.”

That made you moan again as you threw your head back, your mouth falling half open. You heard the clink of his belt buckle and a rustle of fabric, and then he was removing your hand, sucking your fingers clean, before crawling the rest of the way between your thighs to slide into your soaking cunt. His fat cock made you sob as it filled you, such a contrast it was to what you could provide for yourself, and you arced to him as he pushed in to the hilt.

Rick hovered above you, his face close to yours, watching the pleasure flash across your features as he started to fuck you.

“Dirty little slut. Y-y-you liked that didn’t you? Now if - if you wanna cum, then y-you gotta promise that next time you touch yourself, y-you’ll send me a video. Make sure you play it up for me - moan and say my name. I-I-I want something I can jerk off to later.”


	7. Surgeon Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW: Blood, violence, surgery, pain, rough sex, dirty talk, PIV.

It was so cold, why did he always have to keep it so cold? That frigid air pricked at your skin like tiny needle points, raising goosebumps and making your muscles cramp with shivers. He liked making you wait, enjoyed the spectacle of your naked body spread and partially restrained, a vulgar buffet of flesh and bone trembling with anticipation, with need.

So when his footsteps echoed through the sterile room you held your breath, your eyes rolling, ears straining in an attempt to ken his whereabouts, his direction of approach. Rick slid into your field of vision, his translucent glasses painting his eyes a pale shade of green. He grinned down at you, indecent, as he waved the fat syringe in the air, the tip glistening with a single bead of moisture. Noting the apprehension in your features, he crooned,

“Y-y-you look so  _pretty_ , my beautiful little experiment. We have some work to do today. It’s uh - it’s going to  _hurt._ ”

You tensed when you felt the needle pierce you. Rick pressed the plunger, injecting whatever chemical cocktail he had cooked up for this special occasion. As your body began to suffuse with a warm, tingling sensation, you felt your extremities going numb. That creeping feeling traveled up and over and down until it pooled in your chest and belly. It mingled with the arousal already there, making you gasp and suck in air through your teeth.

Biting his lip, Rick observed the effects of his latest concoction.

“I-I-I know you like that, baby. Made it special juuuuust for you. Now. Let’s get to work.”

There was the clink of metal scraping against metal, and then the flash of a scalpel. When he sliced into your arm you moaned. The injection had numbed you, but only partially, and you could still feel the tug and sting of the blade against your flesh as he cut you open, the familiar trickle of your blood as it seeped out and trailed down to your hand, dripped on the floor.

“Rick…”

Already you were trembling with adrenaline, your fists clenched at your sides. But he ignored your struggle, your discomfort. He knew what you liked.

“Mmm good girl. We - we gotta change out this old collagen based stuff for the latest and greatest. Only the  _best_ for my little Frankenstein. Grit your teeth, baby. It’s coming off.”

With a powerful yank, he pulled, your artificial skin ripping with the strain as you shrieked. The pain had transitioned from a low, thrumming note to a screaming, high-pitched whine and your vision went white as your back arced off the table. You sobbed as he worked, tugging on you to remove the remains of the shredded sleeve, slipping it off your fingers, one by one. When he started to slide the new one in place, fresh tears sprang to your eyes. It stung, made you twitch, and it wasn’t until he had it fit, firm and snug, around your upper arm, sealing the wound, leaving a delicate scar, that you came back to yourself enough to realize he was done. Inspecting his handiwork, he grinned.

“Another mark to add to your collection. Pretty soon, y-y-you’ll be nothing but a roadmap of my achievements - of my creation.”

Lost as you were in this sea of pain and desire, you still had the temerity to reach for his erection with your sore and partially numb hand. Rick groaned and rolled his hips against your palm.

“Already, huh? Eager little  _slut_.”

Your eyes half lidded, you nodded, begging, the sweet tension between your legs demanding attention.

“ _Please,_  Rick…”

With a growl, he climbed on top of you, his blood slick gloves leaving red hand prints on your hips and thighs as he forced his way between them. There was the rustle of fabric, and then his cock, hard and thick, was against the lips of your cunt. You moaned and bucked up to meet him, desperate to be filled. He thrust in once, brutal and vicious, and then he was fucking you, his rhythm unrelenting and insistent.

Sobbing anew, you threw your head back, mouth partially open. You were covered in blood, in bits of synthetic skin, and as he fucked you it smeared along your belly and breasts. Rick ran his tongue in that mess of crimson and viscera, tasting you, and then he kissed you, the copper and iron on his lips making you moan. He broke away to nip at your jaw and neck, his voice low, guttural.

“S-so  _fucking_  wet for me. Hungry little monster always - always ready to take my cock after I-I-I cut you open, spill your blood.”

At his words you felt yourself clench around him, and he sped up, pushing you, edging you towards your release.

“Cum for me, baby. M-m-my beautiful little freak. Cum for me.  _NOW.”_

Your cunt spasmed and you bawled, your climax smashing into you with a bright flash of pleasure that overrode the pain and horror he’d inflicted moments before. It stole your breath as it rolled through you, a tide, a flood of bliss that blanked out all other sensations, all other stimulus. His own completion peaked moments later as he pounded you, fucking you back open, unconcerned with your comfort. With a groaned curse, he came, burying himself to the hilt in your sore pussy, his cock throbbing and filling you.

When he pulled out, he ran a hand along your cheek, leaving a smear of red, marking you. Smiling, he praised your perversion and your merit . 

“Look at you. A - a few more surgeries and you’ll be  _perfect.”_


	8. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick doesn't want to tell you his exact birthday cause reasons.
> 
> CW: Mentions of sex but nothing explicit.

Rick loved to talk about himself - he was his own favorite subject. For hours, he would regale you with tales of his adventures throughout the multiverse, his escapades with illegal arms dealers on distant planets, the sexual conquests of a multitude of alien species, and thieving exploits that always ended with him walking away victorious and filthy rich. Of course, when you asked him about this supposed wealth he’d mumble about booze and gambling and hookers and blow and  _would you just drop it already_? **  
**

But there was one question he always dodged.

“When’s your birthday? How old are you going to be?”

Today had been mundane. Rick was half-dressed, draped on your couch shoving popcorn into his mouth with one hand while playing a mobile game with the other. He swallowed and then grumbled.

“19th of Nunya.”

Head quirked to the side, you asked him to repeat: “What?”

With a dramatic sigh, he dropped his phone and sat up, his unibrow furrowed with irritation.

“None of your  _business._  I-I-I’m  _old._  You _know_  I’m old. That’s kind of - y-y-you signed up for this whole ‘gross old man thing’ when we started fucking. I-I know it’s what gets you wet, so just accept my answer and drop the shit.”

He ended his rant with a wipe of his nose before motioning you over.

“Now, c’mere. This old man dick needs some attention.”  

And that was how it usually went. He would duck and roll, perform a full evade, and then dangle sex in front of you as a distraction. You had to admit, it was an effective strategy.  So when you were afforded a very rare opportunity to snoop, you took it.

Visiting Rick at the Smith’s house was not your preference. You were aware of your perversions, your attraction to a man who was more than twice your age, and the fact that his daughter wasn’t much older than you made you uncomfortable. However, on occasion it couldn’t be avoided and so it was you found yourself in his room, on his bed, freshly fucked. When he stepped out to “go take a shit” -  _always_  the romantic - you seized the chance. Getting to your feet, still naked, you quietly began rummaging around in the myriad of boxes he had stacked haphazardly in his room. Caution was a necessity, as the man had a large collection of alien devices, many of which were dangerous, so you avoided anything you didn’t immediately recognize.

This was how Rick found you, so intent in your search that you didn’t hear him as he re-entered the room.

“What - what the  _fuck_ do you think you’re doing?”

At the sound of his voice you froze, holding your breath. You considered lying, making up some story, but you knew he would see through it anyway and discarded the idea. Best to be honest, then.

Turning to face him, you countered his question with your own.

“Why won’t you tell me how old you are?”

Rick rolled his eyes and groaned, his large hands raking through his hair. He took in a breath, his narrow rib cage pushing against his skin, all sharp lines and ridges, before he finally centered himself enough to respond.

“What does it  _matter_? I-I-I’m older than you - you’re younger than me. The rest is - it’s irrelevant. It’s the answer to a math problem. So, I-I would appreciate it if you would quit digging through my  _life_ and my  _shit.”_

You realized afterwards you should have bit your tongue, but your retort came immediate, unbidden, bubbling up from inside of you and refusing to be stamped down.

“It makes you uncomfortable, doesn’t it? On some level, our age difference bothers you and that’s why you won’t tell me. It’s easy to ignore when it’s some nebulous thing, but once you say it out loud you give it life. So, you won’t.”

Rick’s face darkened and he crossed the distance between you. Up close, his superior height could be intimidating, and you forced yourself to hold your ground as he sneered, his voice ice.

“I-I-I suggest you watch your mouth. Y-you’re getting reeeeeal close to pissing me off, baby. You’re a good fuck and I-I’d like to keep you around. But if you don’t cut it out, we’re gonna have a problem.”

But you only half-heard him, having followed your train of thought to its inevitable conclusion. Frowning, you shrugged, more at yourself than at him.

“Honestly? It bugs me too if I think about it too much. So, I don’t. Isn’t that what you always say? Don’t think about it? There’s so much I  _don’t know_ about you and I guess this is just another puzzle piece. You’re a broken jigsaw - and I’m not here to fix you, I _can’t_  - but I guess I’d appreciate a chance to see some more of the parts.”

Rick’s face was blank, unreadable, his teeth worrying his bottom lip as he studied you. There was a moment of indecision, you could see it in the lines of his shoulders, the curve of his mouth, but then he surprised you.

“I-I’m gonna be 73 on the 12th of next month.”

You made a small hum of approval and then smiled, meeting his eyes.

“73. Ok. Solved that math problem. The _really_  important question is what do you want for your birthday?”

The grin he gave you made you blush.

“I-I’m thinking you and me, a trip to the Interdimensional Strip Club. I-I-I’d like take some ecstasy, watch you get a lap dance and then fuck you in the ass. Sound good? Oh and uh - y-you won’t be going home for a few days. Make arrangements.”


	9. Generic Rick x Gender Neutral Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're drunk. Rick isn't.

Imagine you’re drunk and, for once, Rick isn’t. Granted, as a functioning alcohol the man always maintains some level of intoxication, and so you know relying on his sobriety is ultimately unwise. However, in your current inebriated state, he is your single grounding source - your lightening rod, your sense of gravitational stability.

So when you trip and nearly fall, your feet fumbling over each other, he props you up - lets you rest your weight along his shoulder while he gripes about being old and  _oh my god_   _you obviously want to break his back._ And when you completely succumb to the effects of your blood alcohol level, coordination evaporating in lieu of your over-indulgence, he picks you up and carries you. 

You place your heavy head against him as he walks, listen to him complain about your inability to hold your liquor. He chastises you for being a lightweight, an amateur, and shouldn’t you know how to drink by now you’re not a sorority pledge for fuck’s sake. But you’re too far down that shifty rabbit hole to notice his annoyance. All you can do is revel in his closeness, in this tiny bit of care he has bestowed upon you, as vulnerable as you are in this moment. At some point, you close your eyes and strain, concentrating on his rapid heartbeat. His chest is solid, bony, and you hold no illusions when it comes to its tenacity - it's as hardy as its owner and twice as tough. But you love it just the same, just as you would love him if your sense of self preservation weren’t so strong. 

For as you begin to drift off, the rhythm of his foot falls lulling you into a kind of hypnotic slumber, you realize Rick is many things - a genius, a god, the source of immense sexual gratification, the origin of almost every single point of endless frustration in your life.

Rick is many things. 

But he will never be your comfort.


	10. Miami Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miami Rick likes to give you gifts. Content warning for butt stuff.

Imagine one of Rick’s favorite blessings to bestow upon you is jewelry. Everything - the rings and necklaces, the studs in your ears, the tennis bracelets and delicate ankle chains - are custom tailored, made to fit with absolute perfection. The gems and precious metals are chosen to Rick’s exacting specifications and always compliment your skin and eyes; they are meant to adorn and decorate, to embellish rather than distract.

But his best loved piece, the one which he treasures above all others, is one no one ever sees. Except him.

When he first presented it to you, you’d gasped. It was bright, stainless steel, the room reflected and distorted on its shiny, tapered surface. Of course you knew what it was and where it would go, but when he bid you inspect it, your eyes became wide ovals of surprise, unable were you to contain the “Oh!” that escaped your lips. The plug was adorned with a diamond - one of the largest you had ever seen - and it sat in the base, an obscene, glittering testament to his absolute wealth, his complete corrupting influence, his dominion of you, your body, your  _life_.  

Bending you over his plush bed, he slowly worked the toy into place - one hand on your hip, crooning at your depravity, the way you pushed back against the intrusion despite your whimpers, so hungry were you to be filled and defiled. When it was seated fully, he snapped at you to hold still and spread you wide so he might observe his gift, this perfect little display of lewd abundance. With a groan, he buried his nose in your wet pussy, his tongue sliding between your slick folds to find your clit where he lapped with unrestrained enthusiasm, making you roll your hips back to meet him, seeking friction, relief. Breaking away to observe how the diamond gleamed with the plug nestled perfectly inside of your ass, he grinned and praised your beauty, your indecency, the way you let him hold such complete power.

And when at last he sunk his cock inside your cunt and started to fuck you, his eyes never leaving that lustrous gem, you were nothing more than a trembling, sobbing creature on the verge of ruin, falling, spiraling forever downward, pulled into the sweet depths of his destructive force.


	11. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because some days you just want to be anywhere else but here.

He took one look at you and knew something was wrong. Your face was naturally expressive, and so it was you were never very good at hiding your emotions - your frown lines were too deep, your brow too flat. Mouth turned down in consternation, you stood before him, a tower of useless, ineffectual rage.

“What’s uh - what’s up sourpuss?”

As usual, Rick didn’t play coy. He got to the point with his customary lack of couth, knowing your irritation at overly showy displays of emotion mirrored his own.

“I - “ you started to speak but had to pause, clear your throat. Concentrate. Think.

You took a breath, steadied yourself, held up your phone and leveled your gaze.

“I need you to not suck for one hour. Just one. One whole hour of not suckage. I’ll even set a timer on my phone and - and when that hour is up we can do whatever you want.”

Rick just raised one side of his unibrow in question, waiting. He knew when you weren’t done speaking but instead needed a moment to gather your thoughts before you could go on in order to avoid tripping over your words. Finding your balance, you continued.

“When that time is up, I’ll put on that stupid red wig you always want me to wear when you’re drunk and give you a blowjob. You can twist me into a pretzel and fuck me in the ass, or - or we can have a threesome with that crazy alien from Dimension H-4450 you keep telling me about. I could also just go away, too. If you want. I don’t - it doesn’t matter.”

Rick sniffed, tilted his head to the side, and narrowed his eyes.

“Y-y-you don’t want to talk about it.”

It wasn’t a question but a statement of fact, and it made you bark laughter. Even now he was too perceptive, too keen.

“No. Nope. Fuck no - fuck that. One hour, Rick. Don’t suck. That’s all I’m asking.”

You still had your hand in the air, device grasped in your fingers, when he stood, a flurry of long limbs and wild hair. Digging into his lab coat he pulled out his flask and tossed it to you. You caught it with your free hand, shooting him a look that said “What’s in it?” as you knew better than to take a drink without questioning him first. Too many mornings you’d woken up in some strange dimension, sometimes with a new tattoo, sometimes with half your head shaved. Then there’d been the time with the horse costume…

Rick just smirked at your hesitation.

“Shitty vodka. Thaaaaat’s it.”

Nodding, you unscrewed the cap with your fingers and took a swig. But by then, he’d closed the distance between you, and he reached to tilt the bottom up, encouraging you to drain it in one go. The liquor burned on its way down, and you struggled to maintain, to obey his instructions, but once it was empty he nodded with approval and tucked it away.

“Good girl. Should - should start to feel better pretty soon.”

And he was right. Already you could detect that little buzz, the low hum of the alcohol as it coursed through your blood and started to drown out your frustration, your emotions. Everything.

With a belch, Rick grabbed your waist and pressed you to him, his portal gun already in hand. He scowled slightly as he dialed up a dimension number, and then aimed it at the floor before pausing a moment. You looked up at his face, confused but no longer troubled, the warm embrace of booze and his enormous presence having wiped away that sheen of discomfort, replacing it instead with a hazy glow that cast everything in a gray light. But you at least had the sense left to ask one important question:

“Where are we going?”

To which he chuckled, and shook his head.

“I-I don’t know. Anywhere. Y-you look like the kind of person who wants to be anywhere but here.”

And as he pressed the button to form the swirling green vortex, equilibrium giving way to vertigo, gravity taking hold of you both, plunging you toward some destination unknown, you heard him say:

“But when we get back, y-you’re wearing that wig.”


	12. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I just wanna say I think you are awesome and if you are taking requests, could you possibly do a rick x reader fluff? Thanks, merry Christmas and love ya loads

 

“Rick,  _please!_  Christmas shopping  _sucks_.  Plus, if you want a present you’re coming with me so you can pick it out yourself. Otherwise you’re not getting a damn thing. You still haven’t told me what you want.”

Groaning, Rick slumped back onto your couch, his head leaning against the cushions. He mumbled something incoherent and you asked him to repeat.

“I  _saaaaaid_  - I didn’t know they sold me drilling you in the ass at Neiman- Marcus.”

You scowled, frustrated, but unwilling to back down. “Oh, stop being such an insufferable prick. Just help me for once, OK? If you do this I’ll - I’ll… Dress up like the Statue of Liberty and let you fuck me while you’re wearing that stupid, crotchless Uncle Sam costume.”

At that, his head jerked up, a grin spreading his mouth wide - his look of impish glee making you immediately regret this bargain.

“ _Deal._  But it’s - Tchaikovky’s 1812 overture needs to be playing in the background. And! Y-y-you have to paint yourself  _green_.”

Raking your hands through your hair and down over your cheeks, you agreed. Standing, Rick pulled out his portal gun, aiming it towards the wall, the vortex appearing as he pressed the button.

“Alright. L-let’s get this jolly shitshow on the road. Sooner uh - sooner we leave, the sooner you can start sucking my patriotic dick.”

In true Rick fashion, he couldn’t make  _anything_ easy, and this was no exception. He scowled at every unfortunate person who got too close or stumbled in his path, cursing them, their mothers, and the entire holiday season. When you passed the lengthy line to visit Santa, filled as it was with families and their waiting children dolled up in their Christmas best, he turned, his face taking on a sly malevolence before shouting, drool running down his lip:

“Th-that’s nothing but an old, fat guy in a cheap red suit who smells like gin and - and mothballs! Santa isn’t real! Consumer culture!  _Consumer culture_!”

Embarrassed, you shushed him, but he kicked out a foot, his aim perfect, and sent one of the plastic, decorative elves flying. You shrieked and yanked on his arm, eyeing the security guards who had taken notice of the commotion and were headed in your direction.

“OHmygod, Rick!  _Let’s go._ ”

Begrudgingly he complied, allowing himself to be dragged off, but he couldn’t resist sticking up a middle finger as you made your escape.

Losing yourselves in some massive department store, the tinny, sound of the seasonal muzak floating and echoing past the bodies of the other last minute shoppers, you checked your phone only to realize you’d managed to find an item for everyone on your list - everyone except Rick. Turning to him, you squawked and tried to snatch his flask away, issuing a harsh warning that he couldn’t drink in here. But he was too quick, jerking his hand up out of your reach. He jabbed an index finger in your face.

“Y-you’re lucky we’re in public. Normally, I’d tan your ass for that.”

But you were perilously short on cheer after your day of Ricksitting, and your patience had evaporated. Returning his scowl, you barked at him.

“You know what,  _nevermind!_ You’re not getting  _anything._  I’m out of here.”

As you tried to walk off, your arms laden with bags, Rick grabbed your elbow, making you stumble, forcing you to turn. He pulled you close, holding you in place with his iron grip. His expression had shifted from its default state of constant, underlying irritation, to something you didn’t really recognize, and it gave you pause.

“Did - did  you even consider that maybe what I want from you isn’t mass produced on a factory floor in China? All this -” he waved his other hand in the air, gesturing to your surroundings - “contrived, capitalist bullshit? I-I-I don’t - there’s nothing about it that interests me.”

He paused, his lips turning down, his eyes darting to the side before he finished. “But  _you_  interest me.”

Inferring his meaning, you sighed, shoulders slumping as you accepted defeat. Usually, Rick’s demands were vibrant, energetic creatures, requiring your full, undivided attention lest he lose his patience and beat you about the head with them. But other times, like now, they were subdued, gentle - nudging reminders - easy to miss if you didn’t know where to look. Nodding, you admitted your mistake.

“I get it. But, hey we should go anyway. I still have to stop and buy green body paint.”

The feral look he gave you as he reached for his portal gun made you blush and smile in return. How could you ignore his unguarded lust when it was aimed so perfectly in your direction - that blinding beacon which promised such sin. He pressed the button as he grinned.

“L-let’s hit up the adult store. I-I-I wanna get the edible kind.”


	13. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't heard The Weekend's "Coming Down", the lyrics sound like good inspo for a fic. *shrug*

**3:17:55:**  Where r u **  
**

 **3:19:44** : Fcukin aanswer me where ar youuuu

 **3:20:57:**  DON”T IGNRO ME I HATE THT

 **3:22:15:**  fuk it i’m coming ovr you bettr be home

The rapid succession of texts didn’t wake you, but when the portal appeared in your bedroom, filling it with that familiar green glow, you sat up in bed with a shriek. Rick stepped out, unshaven, hair disheveled, lab coat missing, a hole burned through the front of his shirt which was halfway untucked.

“Rick -  _what_?”

But he didn’t answer, instead stalking towards the bed, placing one knee on the edge and grabbing your leg through the comforter. He used it to pull you towards him before ripping the sheets away, exposing your nightshirt and panties.

“W-w-why didn’t you answer me? I fucking - don’t ignore me.”

However, you were confused, your brain still fuzzy with sleep. When your response didn’t come fast enough for him he growled and gripped your thighs, separating them, forcing himself between them. You gasped when you felt the hard line of his erection pressing into your crotch.

“I-i-it’s been a shitshow the last - these past few days. So when I - I-I- expect you to answer me when I call for you.”

It was then that you noticed his dilated pupils, the small amount of crusted blood under his nose, the way his entire body seemed to vibrate. He was either on something, or coming down.

“Rick, what did you take? How many days has it been since you’ve slept?”

He ignored your questions as he continued to rock his hips forward, making you whimper at the motion, your own arousal starting to develop and pool.  Dipping his head down, he placed a kiss, hot and wet, along your collarbone, and that was the impetus you needed to reach between your bodies to free his cock. He groaned when he felt your hand, and after a moment you had him out of his trousers. Shoving your panties aside, you guided him to the lips of your wet cunt where he started to slowly sink inside of you, his teeth clenched, his eyes fixed on your face. Wrapping your legs around his hips, you jerked him forward, hissing at the sting as his cock forced you open. You propped yourself on your elbows and craned your neck upwards so you were nose to nose.

“Come on, old man.  _Fuck me_. That’s why you’re here. That’s why you always show up when you’re coming off some bender, isn’t it? To get your dick wet? So,  _do it_.”

There was a growl, his mouth twisting into a sneer, and then he was thrusting into you, his chosen rhythm vicious and insistent. He showed no care for your comfort, fucking you hard enough to hit your cervix at times, making you wail and clutch at his arms, your nails digging half moons into his skin. Pounding you, he bent down and bit at your shoulder, your neck, before running his tongue along those bruising marks to soothe the angry flesh. Already you were half-way incoherent with pain and pleasure, and your cunt clenched around him. Rick laughed, a bitter sound of amusement.

“Y-y-you’re such an eager little _slut._  Aaaalways ready to take my dick - to let me fuck you raw. That’s why I - when I’m coming down I come here. Because  _y-y-you never tell me no.”_

He was right of course, and you sobbed at his words as he continued to fuck you you, relentless and savage. Your release was already cresting, and Rick pressed his pelvis against your clit, grinding, pushing you closer. Moaning, you threw your head back as he grinned at your complete debasement, your loss of self-control. He always knew just what to do to make you fall apart.

“Cum for me, slut. Let’s hear - say my name.”

And with one final, intense spasm you tumbled and fell over the edge, your climax coming up to blind you in a bright flash of pure bliss. It washed over you, Rick’s name falling from your mouth in devotion, in obedience. And when he came a moment later, stuttering, cursing, he moaned your name while his cock throbbed, filling you, his cum running out from your cunt to darken your sheets.

You didn’t offer to let him spend the night, and he didn’t make the request. Instead, he kissed you on the cheek before pulling out and tucking himself away. Reaching for his portal gun, he pressed the button, the swirling vortex once again bathing your bedroom with its eerie light. He didn’t look back as he said his goodbyes.

“See you in a few weeks, slut.” 

And then he was gone.


	14. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y’all can thank my internet BFF for this because I was lamenting the lack of Ricks with tattoos (as I am fucking COVERED in tattoos so I think they're hot as fuck) so she was like “Well what if he just keeps them hidden?” and now that is officially my headcanon. Rick has a fucking massive, complex, gorgeous, tattoo and I want to touch it.

“Why didn’t you tell me you had tattoos?!”

Rick was on your bed naked, his back to you as he dug in the pockets of his lab coat seeking his flask. At your question, he made a small sound of surprise before jerking around to look at his arms and torso. Cursing, he thrashed a moment before he settled and, just as quickly as it had appeared, the ink vanished, the intricate design evaporating as if by magic. You squawked in disapproval.

“What? No! Bring it back! I want to look!”

But Rick grumbled something about needing to replace the cybernetic mesh layer on his skin and to mind your own fucking business  _thank you very much._ However, you weren’t persuaded to drop the subject and poked him in the ribs  - the one place you knew made him jump. At the jab, he grabbed your wrist, his speed uncanny, and squeezed. It was meant to be a warning.

“Cut it out! It’s not - I-I-I don’t like to talk about it.”

Scowling, yanking to free yourself from his iron grip, you used your other hand to push on his scrawny chest, indicating your frustration.

“Rick, that’s not fair! I’m  _covered_  in tattoos and you see them all the time. Come on. Bring it back. _Please._ ”

Your brow was furrowed, your mouth a twist of irritation, but you were convinced it was the tone of your voice, the sincerity in your last word, that ultimately made him relent. Huffing through his nose, Rick released your hand.

“Fine. But don’t - I-I-I’m not interested in answering any dumbass questions. Keep those to yourself.”

Whatever cloak or cover he used to shield his skin from view fell away, revealing an incredibly intricate design that flowed over his upper arms and shoulders and covered almost the entirety of his back. Shifting behind him, you ran your fingertips reverently along the colorful artwork, admiring its beauty and detail. Rick shivered under your touch, unaccustomed as he was to being caressed with such devotion.

“Rick.. This is gorgeous. Why do you keep it hidden?”

Unsure if it was your unguarded curiosity, or the way in which you were showering him with such pure affection, but his self-imposed rule of ‘no questions’ seemed to have been lifted as he surprised you with a response.

“It means - I-I-I got it after the  -  _uunnmm_  - what happened at Blood Ridge - on - on - Glapflap’s Third moon and - I - I  _shhhiit!_  Stop -  _stop touching me like that!”_

He jerked forward out of your reach, before turning around and once again grabbing your wrists - this time capturing both - one in each hand. Thrusting them behind your back, he leaned in and kissed you, biting hard, his tongue slipping inside when you opened your mouth from the sudden pain. Rick rarely kissed with his eyes closed - too intimate, you assumed - and so when his eyelids fluttered before yours it made you whine and push against him as you struggled to twist free of his grip. But he was stronger than you, he was  _always_ stronger than you, and he refused to let go. Instead, he leaned into you, untangling his long legs and shifting around so that he could press you down against the mattress. Once you were flat on your back, your arms trapped beneath you, he released his hold. Abandoning your spit slick lips, he braced himself on his elbows, ghosting his teeth along your cheek, your jaw, his voice a low thrum of arousal.

“I-I-I don’t want to talk about this, got it? These aren’t - these memories - there are some things you don’t need to know. So, spread your legs wide for me. I need - I-I need you to help me forget.”


	15. Cop Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning sex with Cop Rick?

“Mmm, do you  _really_  have to go to work so early?” **  
**

Capturing Rick’s wrist with your hand, you tugged in an attempt to persuade him to come back to bed. The sun had yet to crest the horizon, the sky still an inky black and dotted with stars. You were a shapeless mass huddled in the secure warmth of the comforter, uninterested in moving any further than required in order to convince Rick he needed to be here - with you - _now._

With a smile, he knelt. He didn’t try to shake off your grip.

“I-I-I’d rather be here, baby, but it’s - I have to go in. I’m on call.”

Shifting slightly, you whined, and resumed pulling. You knew he was loathe to tell you no, and that with enough prodding and the right motivation, he would relent.

“Riiiick, please. Just for a few minutes.”

He didn’t bother to stand, choosing instead to crawl in next to you with an indulgent sigh, one arm wrapping itself around your middle and pulling you close. Nuzzling into your neck, he started placing small, wet kisses along the sensitive skin, making you hum with pleasure, appreciation.

“Only for a - I-I can’t stay very long.”

But you could feel his half-hard erection against your hip and you smiled to yourself, savoring your little victory.  Rolling to your side so you were facing each other, you slid your hand down into the space created by your bodies, reaching into his boxers to free and grasp at his cock. You stroked with easy, gentle, pulls, making him grunt and thrust into your palm, his breath catch. His fingers danced along your ribs, trailing downwards until he could grab at your ass, which he did, using that leverage to pull you flush against him. The hand on your ass traveled to your thigh.

“Lift your leg for me, baby.”

Complying, you placed your ankle over and behind his hip, which allowed him to scoot up and rub the head of his cock against your slick slit, making you whimper.

“ _Rick_ …”

Biting his lip, he thrust up slowly, gently, giving you the time you needed to adjust to his size as he filled you. The sting was exquisite, piercing, and you closed your eyes, your mouth falling open, that sweet ache almost unbearable in its perfection. When he was seated fully inside you, he shuddered, pressing a kiss to your collarbone, making you moan at the sensation.  _Goddamn_  he felt good.

Rick watched your face, rapt, his single point of attention, that acute focus, zeroed in on your features, your sounds of pleasure as he started to fuck you. Rolling his hips, he tempered his movements, your comfort paramount to his lust, but soon his composure began to vanish and his speed increase as your panting changed to throaty moans. When he pressed his lips to yours in a desperate kiss, his tongue slipping inside your mouth to run, hot and wet against yours, you clenched around him, your release cresting.  Rick felt it, and gripped at your hip, his fingers dimpling the skin. Abandoning your mouth, he worked to hasten your climax, whispering his devotion.

“ _Ffuck_  you’re sso perfect and your pussy feels so wet a-and tight. Can you cum for me, baby? Say - say my name for me?”

Nodding your obedience, you snaked a hand down to rub at your sensitive clit, your wetness coating your fingers. Oh, and already you were  _so close_ and as you felt yourself begin to come, you sobbed Rick’s name, your orgasm washing over you, a slow, rolling tide of prurient bliss that made your back arc and your muscles tense. He watched your face as you came, groaning, fucking you back open as he worked to achieve his own completion. Wanting to hear him fall apart, you regained your senses and encouraged his inevitable end.

“Rick - Rick, cum for me.  _Please_.”

Your words were his undoing, and with a loud groan he lost all sense of rhythm as he started to cum, his cock throbbing, his load, hot and wet, filling your pussy only to slip out as his movements continued to slow. Once recovered, Rick buried his hand in your hair and kissed you, a deep, passionate motion that made you clench around him one last time. Pulling out, he sat up and checked the clock.

“Shit! I-I-I’m going to be late!”

And as much as you may have  _said_  you were sorry, apologized profusely for making him tardy, the truth was, you weren’t sorry at all.


	16. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Face Fucking

“On your knees, baby girl.” **  
**

Eyes cast upwards in reverence, you sank to the ground, wincing when you connected with the hard tile. It had been a day - a fucking terrible,  _ridiculous_  day - and all you wanted was to forget, to lose yourself in some other depthless experience, to drown in abstraction. Which is why you had come to Rick in the first place - exhausted, exasperated - hasty for a chance to think about anything else as long as it meant you could wipe your brain clean like a dusty chalkboard. The remnants of scribbles still left behind but their nonsense indiscernible.

Naturally, he had read you at once, understood and accepted your necessity before you even had the ability to articulate this peculiar urgency. Gripping your hair in one large hand, he had wrenched your neck back as you trembled, your breath shaky, your teeth chattering. From there, he had bid you kneel, and so you did in complete devotion, without question or challenge, accepting that in this particular instance your God knew what was best for you.

Hand still fisted in your hair, he had smirked, that wide mouth feral and ingenious, a vision of perfect lascivious grace. Already, you could feel the saliva gathering in anticipation of his thick cock, and when he reached for his belt buckle and fly you couldn’t help the whimper that slipped from your throat. But Rick heard everything.

“Good little slut. Y-y-you can’t wait to suck my dick, can you? For me to - to shove my big dick in there and make you gag on it so y-y-you can forget who you are? I-I-I  _know_  you, baby girl. So get ready… Open wide.”

Clasping your hands behind your back, you parted your lips. Rick placed the head of his fat cock on your tongue, letting you taste the salt and musk, before he thrust in once, hard, hitting the back of your throat and making you wretch. This wasn’t the first time he had used you with so little care, and so you knew to adjust, to make sure you could accommodate him. He deserved your outright obedience and you would provide nothing less.

When he started to fuck your face - his cock stretching your mouth, making your jaw ache, the tears run down your cheeks - he tightened his grip in your hair, forcing you to look up so he could watch as he a ruined you. Aching, seeking friction, you squirmed, rubbing your thighs together, your pussy a wet void between your legs that cried out to be filled. Rick never faltered, his rhythm insistent as he reminded you of your place in his world.   

“Ffuck -   _goddamn_ you’re beautiful like this. Swallow - drink my cum, baby, and I-I-I’ll lick that pussy when you’re done.”

You would have nodded if it were possible, but his steely grip combined with his unrelenting hips meant the best you could manage was a pleading look cast in his direction. Groaning, he sped up to hasten his climax.

“Y-y-you like it when I use you like the little  _whore_ you are. Such a slut for me. Would you -  _could_  you tell me no? I-I-I don’t think so.”

At his words your eyelids fluttered, accepting, acknowledging this perfect truth which you would never refuse. Rick knew your fealty was entire, absolute, and he used it to his advantage always. You knew he was close, your ability to read and interpret his own mannerisms not without merit, and so you made an effort to extend your jaw a little further, flatten your tongue an additional fraction, so that he might bless you with his offering. His cock throbbed on your tongue, his movements beginning to lose their tempo. The hand in your hair became a vice and was joined by the other one as he encapsulated your entire head in his grip.

“I-I-I’m gonna cum right down your throat, baby. And  _ffuuck,_  I love it when you cry over my dick, your mouth feels  _so good_. I-I-I’m going to - next time I’m sticking my cock up your ass so I can listen to you scream and - and -  _shit-_  “

Losing the thread of his sentence, Rick came, his cock pulsing as he shoved as far down your throat as he could. You were forced to swallow - not that you would ever do anything less - and your mouth and nostrils were filled with the pungent flavor of his seed as he filled you. He held you tight a moment, letting the final tide of his release ebb and flow, and you struggled not to move, not wishing to disrupt his sublimity. When at last he released you with a pop, he surveyed the damage.

Breathing hard, your cheeks were wet with track marks, your lips sore and swollen, partially numb. Drool was still present on your chin and you resisted the urge to wipe it away, knowing he would only growl and chastise you for the decision. At your complete, unquestioning dedication, your willingness to be rent asunder as he saw fit, he praised you, his words washing over you like a balm, a salve to the searing pain he usually inflicted with such indifference.

“Good job, baby girl. Y-y-you’re my perfect little slut. Now, lay back for me, spread those legs. After what you just did, I-I-I’m gonna eat that pussy like it’s apple pie.”


	17. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anal Sex

“Stop  _squirming_ , slut. I-I-I’m trying to fuck you. Don’t - y-you  _want_  this, I  _know_ you do, so  _hold still._ ”

Rick punctuated his last word with an open handed slap to your bare ass, making you yelp. You were in his lap, legs spread wide and resting atop his thighs, your back to his chest. His cock was sunk deep in your ass, stretching you, filling you, the sting of it delicious and cruel. Already you were half-incoherent, delirious with bliss and that small taste of pain. Holding both of your wrists in one hand, he refused to allow you to touch your clit or close your legs. Every time he felt you shift, seeking friction, he would growl at your insolence and bite your neck. It wasn’t enough to break the skin, but it was enough to remind you  _he_  was in control. By now, your pussy was an empty, aching gulf, glistening, slick with moisture, and your desperation was mounting to an intolerable degree making you sob, beg for mercy.

“Rick…  _please_. I  _can’t_  - it’s  _too much_.“

But your appeal was ignored in favor of his own agenda. His movements were slow, tortuous, meant to prolong whatever pleasure and agony he saw fit to bestow upon you, and he reveled in the way you clenched around his cock with every easy undulation of his hips.

“ _Ffuck_ your ass is tight. I-I-I know you want to cum, baby, but y-you’re not ready yet. Not really. Y-y-you can take it, slut. Sso,  _keep begging_.”

Wailing, you shook your head, but you both knew you could deny him nothing. So you made your entreaty again and again, praying for salvation, hoping for deliverance, but realizing your efforts were ultimately futile - he’d release you when he was good and ready to do it.

“Oh god - _oh my god_   - I  _can’t_ sit still it’s -  _fuck!_ \-  Rick - please please  _please!”_

Rather than relent, he stuck two of the fingers of his free hand in your mouth, bidding you to suck, silencing your words but not the sounds issuing from your throat. Moaning, you complied, your eyelids fluttering closed as you ground your hips down against him, taking him in fully, swallowing his cock with your ass. That earned you a strangled  _“Fuck!_ ” as his restraint appeared to be waning. Repeating the action, you savored this little bit of control you’d managed to wrest away, balancing on the tips of your toes to get better leverage so you could buck harder. Rick’s stuttered growl was in your ear as he slid his fingers from between your lips, trailing your saliva down over your chin and between your breasts. He stopped just above the line of your pubic hair, his hand resting, waiting.

“One more time, slut.  _Say it._ ”

He didn’t have to ask twice.

“ _Please, Rick let me cum!_ ”

Releasing your wrists so he could grab your hair, he shoved the two fingers that had been in your mouth into your empty cunt and pressed his palm to your clit. Howling, you ground against his hand, your climax coming up in a rush of divine euphoria that would have made you buckle and collapse had his hold on you not been so absolute. His name issued from your throat, an invocation of worship that drowned out all other sound, and it was only the vice-like grip on your hair that finally brought you back to yourself. Rick had abandoned all sense of moderation, far too interested in chasing his own release, and his movements reflected his desperate need.

“ _Ffuck!_  Y-you’re so tight and hot, and I-I love fucking you and hearing you beg. You want my cum in your ass baby? I-I-I’m going to fill you up - fucking  _take it_ , slut. Take it all.”

When he came, he groaned and bit down on your shoulder, his cock throbbing, his balls tightening as he shoved himself inside of you to the hilt, forcing you to take all of him as he filled you with his load. You accepted it willingly, graciously, pushing back so he was completely seated inside your ass - you wanted everything he had to give you. Taking a moment to compose himself, he pulled his hand from your pussy, wet and slick with your moisture. He brought it up to your lips.

“Go on, slut. Taste yourself.”

You did so without hesitation, licking that musky flavor from his fingertips as he watched. He grinned a moment before popping them into his mouth and finishing the job, sucking them clean. With a grunt, he shifted you upwards slightly, his softening cock sliding out of your ass along with his cum. When you stood, he landed a playful smack on one cheek, making you turn and smile down at him. He smirked in return.

“Good girl. Now, be - be a doll and get me a beer.”

 

 


	18. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was a request from my internet BFF outtricking on tumblr: Rick having sex with a Reader who has a hard time achieving orgasm.
> 
> CW: Rough sex, dirty talk, PIV and anal sex

“Oh for fuck’s - th-this  _obviously_  isn’t working. Roll - roll over, ass in the air. Light from the Andromeda Galaxy reaches Earth in less time than it takes for you to fucking cum.  _Jesus.“_

Rick pulled out and looked down, his unibrow furrowed in obvious annoyance. His cock was hard, shiny with your moisture, his narrow chest rising and falling rapidly as he scowled. You laid there a moment, your cheeks flushed, body covered in a fine sheen of sweat, your own breath shaky as you met his gaze. It wasn’t until he growled and slapped you hard on the side of one thigh, citing your inability to follow instructions -  _did fucking you make you deaf?_  - that you finally complied. Once on your hands and knees, he pushed your head down into the mattress and pulled your hips up. With a grunt, he thrust back into your sore cunt, making you whimper.

“Sh-shut up, slut. This is - I-I-I’m fucking  _old._  You think I can do this forever?”

While you knew Rick’s stamina far surpassed the average for a man of his age, he had a point. It wasn’t unusual for you to take some time, and Rick was generally accommodating as he enjoyed making you squirm under his touch, teasing you until you were a drooling mess of incoherent nerves. But today had been particularly difficult and you could tell he was losing his patience. Whining, you bunched your fists in the bedsheets.

“I’m sorry… ”

But he didn’t want your apologies. Telling you to be quiet, he dealt you another smack, this time on your ass. It made you yelp and clench around him, which he noticed immediately. You heard him hum.

“Hmm. Soooo,  _that’s_  how it is today. Let’s uh - let’s trying something  _different.”_

There was the wet sound of him sucking, and then he slowed his hips enough to slip first one and then two fingers into your puckered entrance. The sensation made you jump, the sting foreign, but also strangely intoxicating, the slight hint of pain intermingling with your pleasure and making you moan and clench around him once more. You heard him chuckle, a dark sound of amusement at his little discovery, and then he pulled out of you again, ordering you to stay put. Looking over your shoulder, you questioned him.

“What are you doing?”

But he ignored you, digging around in a drawer until he found what he was seeking - a small bottle of lube. Positioning himself behind you once more, your heard a click and squelch then felt the cold slickness of the lubricant run down the crack of your ass. It made you gasp and shiver, but you held your place as his fingers pushed back inside of you, the additional wetness adding to your arousal as he worked to stretch you open. While doing so, he applied lube to his dick, tossing the bottle to the side when he was done so he could run his hand up and down the shaft, the noises coming from that motion loud and obscene. Finally, he removed his fingers and placed the head of his cock at your ass.

“Ok, baby this is - i-it’s going to hurt a little at first. But it’ll be worth it. Truuuust me. Just relax.”

When he started to push inside, the pain was obvious and immediate, and your first reaction was to tense, but then he brought a hand down to rub at your clit, making you keen to the touch. His movements were gradual and deliberate, and when he breached that ring of muscle, you moaned as he thrust his hips, shallow and easy at first, fucking you open allowing you to adjust. When he felt you relax he slid in fully, seating himself in your ass, his balls pressed to the lips of your cunt. It was too much and not enough and you trembled, panting, your desire, your need suddenly overwhelming. It made you wail.

“Rick! - It’s -  _ohmygod!”_

Free hand pressed to your lower back, he started to fuck you, slow and languid, enjoying his dominion over you as you fell apart beneath him, the sounds issuing from your throat feral and unrestrained. Already, you could feel your release cresting, and you clenched around him, your desperation mounting. It had never happened this quickly and Rick groaned, his breath harsh as he struggled to control himself.

“Fffuck your ass is tight. Y-you fucking  _love this,_  don’t you? Dirty little  _slut._  You - I-I want you to cum with my cock in your ass, baby. Do it for me, I know you can.”

Sobbing his name in devotion, your climax crashed into you, shattering you, that flood of bliss so intense it wiped away all thought and rationality. As you came, Rick grasped both hips in his large hands, his restraint gone, and fucked you with abandon, his pelvis slapping against the backs of your thighs. He groaned a string of filth, and then he was losing his rhythm. Burying himself completely inside your ass, he filled you, his load wet, adding to the slickness of the remaining lube.

When he finally pulled out and sat back, you rolled over, facing him. You could feel his cum leaking from you, running out onto the bed sheets. Making eye contact, he grinned.

“Ok. Y-you’re no longer the Andromeda Galaxy. Now you’re more like Alpha Centauri. Also, I’m making a few calls. We need another Rick. I-I think you’re ready for two of us.”


	19. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A close friend was kind enough to draw some art of Rick and myself so this is what I wrote to compliment the piece.
> 
> Fanart can be found [here.](https://raynelynn.tumblr.com/post/169249869048/raynelynn-made-a-quick-sketch-for-my-irl-friend)
> 
> CW: PIV. Rough sex. Dirty talk.

“Tell me something I don’t know.” **  
**

Rick snorted laughter and threw the ball. It smacked against your palm, a sharp sting of pain that faded as quickly as it had hit.

“I-I could fill ten fucking libraries with the things you don’t know.”

Rolling your eyes, you tossed the ball back, a little wide but Rick caught it with ease, one large hand shooting out, fingers wrapping around the red rubber, encapsulating it, bringing it close to his chest.

“Then  _tell me_  something.  _Anything_. I don’t care what it is I just want to listen to you talk.”

This gave him pause. He narrowed his eyes, his unibrow a V of concentration, his mouth defaulting to a frown as he thought. Finally, he sniffed, nodded, issued a grunt of acquiescence.

“There’s this theory that - it’s been around for awhile. I-i-it says we’re all - every one of us - living in a hologram. Has to do with uh - something called the Planck length. I-i-it’s the smallest conceivable unit of measurement - makes up the fabric of the universe. Nothing - anytime anyone tries to find a shorter distance, y-y-you just end up with a black hole.”

Rick halted, threw the ball back to you. You caught it, rolled it between your palms as he continued.

“W-what it comes down to is on the - the smallest scale possible - w-what you might call - think of them as pixels… Supposedly, these  _pixels_ are out there. A-a-and there’s a group of assholes trying to look at them. If - assuming they’re even real. I-if they even exist. Because if they do then - then  _The Matrix_  may not have been just a bad 90s science fiction movie.”

He held out his hand impatiently. The ball sailed through the air, landing with a plop, and then he was motioning you over. Once you were within reach, he grabbed your wrist, tugging you down next to his place on the couch, against his warmth. Tossing the ball to the floor, he pulled out his flask, took a long pull before offering. You knocked it back, grimacing with the burn of the alcohol as he watched, biting his lip, his eyes half lidded. Once returned, he tossed it away, too, and then dipped down, pressing a kiss to your jaw, your neck, nipping at the skin and making you whine. Hands roaming, he slid one up under your shirt, his elegant fingers dancing over your stomach and ribs. You squirmed, but he growled, shifted and pressed his weight to you, forcing your legs apart so he could climb in between them.

Your breath hitched when he rolled his hips, the hard length of his cock grinding against you, and you keened when his teeth sank into the sharp edge of your collarbone. Pulling back, he sat up enough to allow you to flip over - his orders - and you slipped your panties off in the process, propping yourself up on your hands and knees. There was the familiar clink of his belt buckle and the zip if his fly, one large hand on your hip as he rubbed the head of his fat cock along your wet slit, and then he thrust in, groaning, filling you, stretching you, that little sting of pain only heightening your pleasure and making you moan.

“ _Rick…_ ”

One long leg on the floor for balance, he fucked you, his movements hard but even. Growling his enjoyment, he praised the tight heat of your cunt, the way you said his name when he hit that perfect spot. He leaned over your body, allowing him to penetrate deeper, and you wailed as he grinned, his drool falling to land on your shoulder. You didn’t mind.

When he brought a hand down between your legs to rub your clit, you said his name again, pleading, a cry for mercy.  You clenched around him and he sped up, his thrusts now vicious as he pushed you towards release.

“Y-y-you wanna cum for me, baby girl? Cum with my fat dick in your pussy? Let’s - lemme hear you.”

Sobbing, you came undone, your climax hitting in a flash of euphoric bliss that washed over you and made you collapse onto your forearms, your thighs tremble. Rick didn’t stop, giving you no quarter, fucking you back open and making you whine with pain.

“Such a good slut. Y-y-your cunt is so wet and sweet and nnnf - _fuck!_  - take my cum, baby girl. Take it.”

Continuing his string of filth, Rick lost his rhythm, shoving into you as far as he could, his cock throbbing, his load filling you warm and slick. When he pulled out a moment later, you twisted around, looking over your shoulder. He was smirking, watching his cum leak from your pussy, one hand still on his softening cock. Rolling over, you spread your legs wide and, using two fingers, he gathered some of his jizz from your slit before ordering you to suck them clean. You did so without hesitation, his grin of appreciation making you flush with delight.

“Gooood girl. Any uh - anything  _else_  you want to listen to me talk about?”

But you only laughed and shook your head.

“I think that’s enough for one evening.”

The look in his eyes as they ran along the curves of your body told you he disagreed.

“W-we’ll see. Maybe I can lecture you on the finer points of general relativity next.”


	20. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cunnilingus

“Oh  _fuck_ , Rick…”

You were trying to work, your hands stalled on the keyboard, as Rick’s tongue swirled up and around your clit, the two fingers he had sunk in your cunt curled just right. Once he no longer heard the rhythmic tapping, he stopped, glanced up, shook his head. His lips and chin were wet, glistening with your moisture, and you whimpered at the sight, ground against his hand. Eyes half lidded, he smirked.

“The deal waaaas, baby, y-you keep working, and I’ll keep eating your pussy.  _You_  stop,  _I_  stop.”

Groaning, you arced to him, tried to bury a hand in his hair but he slapped it away, growled at your insolence.

“D-do you want me to get up, slut? Because I can. Just - just walk away and go jerk off. L-leave you here all wet and bothered.”

You knew he would do it, and you shook your head, frantic. Your voice was petulant, shaky.

“ _No_! No,  _please_  don’t. I’ll work. I will. Just  _please_ don’t stop.”

He waited until your hands were once again on your desk before returning his mouth to your cunt, his tongue flat as he lapped at your clit, his long fingers sliding in further, making you clench. Moaning, your eyelids fluttered as you attempted to comply with his instructions, but he was too persistent. His tongue and lips and fingers worked in tandem, breaking you down, making you fall apart before him. Your thighs closed around his head, involuntary, but he didn’t try to push them back open, allowing you to squeeze and buck as much as your position would allow.

Abandoning all hope of adhering to the rules of this game, you buried your hand in his hair, heard him groan - whether in annoyance or enjoyment you weren’t sure - and then you were cresting, your release claiming you. He sucked on your clit for a brief moment, making you wail, and then you clenched, his name rushing from your mouth as you came. Rolling your hips, your climax was a flood of shimmering bliss and you rode it as you rode his face, unabashed in your enjoyment.

Once you’d settled, caught your breath, Rick removed his fingers, sucked them clean and wiped his chin on the back of his hand. Standing, he reached for his fly, his erection straining the front of his trousers. Biting his lip, he grinned down at your flushed face and glossy eyes before he removed his cock and began to stroke it.

“Good girl. Now, l-let’s see if you can type with my dick in your mouth.”


	21. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’ll admit I’m gross and this is something I’ve been thinking about for a loooong time haha.
> 
> CW: Enthusiastically licking Rick’s drool, rough sex, anal sex

“W-what -? Quit - stop trying to stare into my soul. I-I promise I don’t have one.”

It had been months. Months and months of discreet glances, quick peeks, the occasional open gawk. You’d controlled yourself, maintained a tight grip on what you considered to be an incoherent fantasy born of an unhealthy obsession. Many times it had occurred to you to attempt it during sex, when he might be too distracted, too lost in the throes of his carnal depths to chastise or ridicule, but he almost always fucked you from behind - which is how you preferred it - and so the opportunity rarely presented itself. Until now.

Rick was above you, his cock in your ass, one large hand wrapped around your throat. His face was close enough that you could see the stubble on his gaunt cheeks, the bags under his eyes, the wrinkles on his forehead - and his drool. It glistened on his chin and bottom lip, taunting you, making a mockery of your struggle. Should you do it? What if he slapped you (a real possibility), or laughed at you, or stopped fucking you and portaled away without a second glance, never to return?

Thrusting in once, hard, forcing you to feel the full length and girth of his cock, he derailed your train of thought, making you gasp and whine at the pain which broke through the fog of your lust. Growling, he rolled his hips, dipped down to ghost his lips along the line of your jaw.

“Y-you’re usually screaming and begging to cum by now. Where’s your head? I-it’s not here.”

Moaning as your eyelids fluttered closed, you savored the way he filled you, stretched you, his easy undulations rocking you forward along the bed. He was being uncharacteristically gentle and you almost forgot your original intention, but then his teeth sank into your shoulder. It brought you back to yourself, made you keen and call his name. Then his face was above yours again, painted with a look of smug self-satisfaction… And his drool.

It was now or never.

“Oh, _fuck it._ ”

Rick’s noise of confusion - a gruff “Huh?” - was all he managed before you grasped his head in both hands, craned up and ran your tongue along his chin and bottom lip, collecting the drool, groaning at its slickness and warmth, the faint taste of booze. When at last you plopped back, your appetite temporarily sated, you glanced to Rick, awaiting his reaction. He was frozen, his face a mask of turmoil. You could see it roiling under his skin, in the way his brow was furrowed, the way his eyes were narrowed. And then he grinned.

“How long have you wanted to do that?”

Releasing a shaky breath, you slumped further into the mattress, the tension which had gathered in your muscles ebbing away.

“Probably the first time we met? _Definitely_  since we started fucking.”

With a chuckle, he sank further into your ass, making you clench and moan, your head fall back, exposing the slender column of your neck. He nipped at the skin, his movements becoming more vigorous with each thrust, his grunts of pleasure loud in your ear as he rut you, claiming you, forcing you take all of him.

“Dirty _slut_. I-I-I knew you loved my dick in your ass, down your throat - but y-you’re just as fucking nasty as I am. Th-that’s why I keep you around.”

Leaning back slightly, he created just enough space for you to snake a hand down between your bodies, allowing you to rub your clit. The sensation made you wail, your ecstasy crest as you neared your release. Rick fucked you without mercy or restraint, his cock splitting you open. He encouraged your debasement, his grumbled words of filth urging you, making you come undone.

“Maybe I’ll spit in your mouth next time. Y-y-you’d like that, wouldn’t you, baby? Spit in it and - and make you swallow while I fuck you? I-I know you wanna cum - can feel you squeezing my dick. Go on. Do it, slut. Say my name.”

With the taste of him still on your tongue, you sobbed, your climax peaking, smashing into you, a dazzling flood of bliss that made you cry his name in a loud burst of utter satisfaction. Rick groaned yours in return, and then captured your mouth in a deep kiss - so rare - while he lost his rhythm. Hips stuttering and then stalling, he sunk to the hilt, burying himself completely in your ass, his cock pulsing as he filled you.

When he pulled out, separated himself from you, you were still trying to catch your breath, and so you didn’t notice the little smile that played across his face. Sitting up, running a hand through your hair, you started to laugh. Rick turned at the sound.

“W-what? What is it?”

But you shook your head, snorted.

“I’m kind of gross. Then again, so are you. I guess it evens out.” 

He leveled you with his gaze, one side of his unibrow quirked up. He was still completely naked, his narrow hips and and scrawny chest on full display. Having located his flask, he took a long pull, belched. The drool was back, and you tamped down the desire to spring up and lick it off. But he read you easily enough, bit his lip, motioned you over. 

“I-I-I know you want to do it. Go ahead.”

And so you did.


	22. Priest Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m feeling rather blasphemous today, so I decided it was time to pay a visit to our favorite priest. 
> 
> CW: Spanking, humiliation, rough oral sex

 

“Devil’s concubine! Satanic whore! Sodomite! “

With each word, Rick landed another open handed slap on your bare ass, making you jerk and squeal. Before bending you over the desk in his private office, he’d first bid you strip, then bound your hands at your lower back. It had only been a few minutes, and already they had gone numb, the ecclesiastical stole he’d used to tie the knot digging into your wrists. You’d have bruises tomorrow.

A pause, you heard him grunt, then those long fingers were at your slit. They ran up and along to find you slick, ready, glistening with moisture. Moaning, you pushed back against his touch, but he wasn’t accommodating and pulled away, wiping your wetness off on the back of one thigh.

“Slut! Y-you’re enjoying this aren’t you?”

Lying wasn’t an option, he would merely see through it as he had seen through your filthy desires only a few weeks ago, and so you giggled, twisting around in order to bless him with your wicked grin.

“If you’re trying to beat the devil out of me Father, it’s going to take a lot more than that.”

Rick growled, his eyes burning with unconcealed lust and fury, and then he was gripping your hair, wrenching your head back, forcing you from the desk. Steering you, he shoved you to the ground, your knees banging hard on the wood floor and sending bright sparks of pain up through your thighs. His erection was obvious, glorious, and you licked your lips in anticipation. You didn’t know how many times you’d fucked yourself on your hand imagining it was him. Sneering, he read you completely.

“Open that - show me your pretty tongue. Niiiiice and wide, there we go. Good slut.”

With that he bent over and spit into your waiting mouth, his other hand grabbing your jaw, holding you still so you were forced to feel its warmth and slickness as it ran down the back of your throat. He grinned at your debasement, the way your eyes became wide ovals of surprise.

“I-I’m an ordained priest. That’s - it’s probably holy. Doesn’t matter. Y-y-you’re gonna suck my dick. Let’s see if - I want to watch you cry and choke on it. Beg for forgiveness. Not that you’re  _worthy._ ”

As he spoke, he freed himself from his trousers. His cock was just as large, thick, as you’d remembered it and you whined at the sight. Suddenly, there was indecision on his features, and you furrowed your brow, confused. Maybe you should beg?

But that flash of uncertainty disappeared, and then he was shoving into your mouth, hitting the back of your throat and making you gag. The girth forced your tongue flat, and you extended your jaw to try and fit all of him comfortably. He held you fast, smirking as he watched the tears form and run down your cheeks, as you struggled to avoid retching. When your eyes slipped closed he snapped, jerked on your head.

“Look at me! I-I don’t care how much you - what you have to do. Look at me, whore. Your path to salvation lies through  _me_. God has forsaken you. _I’m_ your God now.”

The drool pooling in your mouth began to run down your chin, mixing with your tears, dripping onto your breasts. With your hands still bound behind you, your thighs shook with the effort of maintaining your balance as he started to fuck your face. The noises coming from you were loud and obscene in the tiny office, his cock making you gag as he forced himself in as far as possible, offering you no mercy or hope of reprieve.

“Unnnf y-y-you’ve got a sweet mouth. So wet and my - my cock fits in there juuuuust right. It’s almost as tight as your ass.”

Moaning around him, you struggled to keep your eyes open and cast upwards with the reverence he expected, all the while rubbing your thighs together, seeking that sweet friction. He used you, giving no care for your comfort or enjoyment, running his thumb along the blurred black line of your ruined mascara, smearing it across your cheek. Biting his lip, he buried himself in your throat, tickling your nose with his pubes before graciously pulling back, savoring the view of his cock as it slid in and out of your mouth.

“Pretty little Jezebel. I-I-I’m gonna cum right down your throat - consider it my  _blessing_.”

Snapping his narrow hips, his thrusts became brutal, vicious as he worked towards release. You were choking, the lack of oxygen making your vision blur in and out of focus, yet you yearned to please him and did nothing to preserve yourself, allowing him full control of you, your life. When the world started to go white, he began to lose his rhythm and from far away you heard a groan.

“Oh fffuck, baby. Swallow it, whore. Go - go on.”

Rick stalled, both of his hands wrapped around your head, and then his cock was throbbing, his load filling you, giving you no option but to swallow lest you choke. You didn’t dare move, still holding out hope he would let you ride his fingers or maybe eat your pussy, so insistent was your arousal. But when he finally pulled out, you realized the idea was foolish. He had no intentions of letting you come. Not today. Looking down his nose at you, he hooked a hand under your arm and hauled you to your feet, spun you around to undo the bindings as you whined.

“Get your shit and go. Y-you - don’t you  _dare_  touch yourself. Unclean harlot. I know you. Y-y-you’re  _soaked_.”

Just to prove a point, he dipped two fingers into your aching pussy, curling them. You sobbed as your hips bucked, involuntary, at the contact, but just like before he pulled away. After, he stuck his fingers into his mouth to suck them clean.

“I-I expect to see you next week. Same time. Wear something - put on something  _appropriate._ ”

You nodded, blushing as you collected your clothes from the floor.

“Yes, Father.”

He smirked, tucking away his now flaccid cock.

“Th-there just might be hope for you yet, slut.”


	23. Generic Rick x Gender Neutral Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So sleepy. fluff fluff pointless fluff.

“Ugh,  _Jesus,_ Rick. Move  _over_.”

Voice groggy, heavy with sleep, you shoved Rick’s arm off your face. He rarely spent the night, which meant you almost never shared a bed. You didn’t complain. Early on, you’d discovered the man starfished at every opportunity, or kicked you, or inevitably woke you up with his erection pressed firmly into your lower back. So on those occasions when he wasn’t inclined to head home and snore away his blood alcohol level in solitude, you were forced to endure his long limbs and bony hips, his cold hands, the way he always managed to wrap himself around you like a drunk octopus.

There was a grumble as he shifted - closer rather than away - that same arm coming up, draping over your middle. Pulling you flush against his chest, his nose now rested at the nape of your neck, one leg sliding in between your thighs. Laying there, you listened as his breathing returned to its previous even rhythm, as he slipped quietly back into deep sleep. You considered pushing him off, or maybe heading to the sofa so you could attempt to get some additional rest without his suffocating presence. But you did neither. Instead, you sighed, snuggled closer and waited for slumber to claim you once again. Sunrise was still a few hours away.


	24. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick makes you dry hump him until you cum.

“Theeeeerrre we go. Keep - just like that, baby.” **  
**

Straddling Rick’s hips, you were grinding your clothed cunt against his trapped erection. His long legs were spread wide, one arm draped over the back of your couch. Biting his lip, eyes half-lidded, his greed was on full display, wanton and shameless. Tongue darting out, the pink tip stuck between your teeth while you savored his little groans of pleasure, your hands bunched in the fabric of his shirt, that unsated desire licking, pooling in your core.

He was enjoying the spectacle, the slow burn and tease of your body, though he was perfectly capable of wresting control back at any time. Leaning in, you pressed a kiss to his neck, his stubble rough, sharp, as you continued your undulations. With one hand he gripped your hip, fingers digging intermittently into the soft skin and making you whine.

“Y-you’re gonna cum for me.”

Fisting his other hand in your hair, he pulled your face around, ran his tongue along your bottom lip. Dipping it into your mouth, he tasted you, making you moan at the hint of whiskey on his breath. When you tried to push forward, seeking  _mor_ e, he withdrew with a smirk. Pouting, your nipples hard, you pressed them to his chest, desperate for attention, affection.

“Rick,  _please_ …”

But he shook his head, his grin lascivious.

“Nu-huh, baby. Not till you cum. I-I know you can. So go on. _Earn_ it.”

Determined, you shifted forward, wriggling your hips, placing the perfect amount of pressure on your sensitive clit. You  _had_  done this before, though usually Rick was more accommodating, offering his fingers at least, but this time he seemed determined to have you come undone before him, sans assistance. With your nails creating little half-moons in the cushion behind his head, you squeezed your eyes shut and  _concentrated_ , temporarily blinding yourself to the sight of Rick as he observed, cataloged your features and reactions, as he savored his view of your debasement. Like this, it didn’t long before you felt the delicious tension roiling, building.Your arms broke out in goosebumps, the combination of Rick’s voyeurism and your own shame at the enjoyment of it mingling into a heady cocktail; arousal and humiliation converging into lechery. With your release cresting, he gripped hard, pulling, urging you forward with each roll of your hips.

“That’s it, slut. Cum for me. Y-y-you’re - after this, you’re gonna take my dick.”

At the admission you panted his name, your head falling back as the peak of your climax unfurled, enveloping you, allowing you to lose yourself in its waves of bright bliss, even though it rang slightly hollow without his cock or fingers to fill the sweet void. Once stilled, you opened eyes, meeting Rick’s gaze. He was smug, his smirk wide and perfectly self-satisfied.

Grunting, shifting you onto your back, he positioned between your legs, freed himself from his trousers and pushed your panties to the side. Your orgasm had made you soft, pliant, and when his thick cock slipped into your wet cunt you moaned, guttural and loud, arced to him, dug your nails into his back. As he started to fuck you, his voice was an amused growl at your complete loss of self control. 

“That was - it was so fucking hot baby, but next time I-I-I’m gonna make you use your hand.”


	25. Generic Rick x Gender Neutral Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because I am obsessed with Rick's bones. And no, not just *that* one.

It was a strange fixation, you realized, but one which continued to persist. Rick was scrawny, and perhaps even  _that_  descriptor was too generous, as at times he looked downright gaunt depending on whether he’d slept or if he’d remembered to eat. For you, his lanky frame was a source of constant frustration and insatiable lust. It really was  _obscene_  how long those limbs were, how refined and elegant he  _could_ be if he’d make the conscious decision to utilize it to his full advantage rather than stumble over himself, perpetually drunk, like an 8 week old puppy just learning to run. **  
**

At this exact moment, you were staring, enamored. He was naked, unconcerned with shame or modesty -  languages he did not speak - so while he scrolled through his phone with one hand, the other tapping a rhythm against his flask, you got lost in a silly daydream. This one was to graze your teeth along the topography of his bones, to chew on the places where they jutted like mountains, all sharp lines and ridges, through his sallow skin. His hips, his wrists, his collar, the base of his ribs. Would he stop you? Doubtful. So far, Rick had indulged every sexual whim, every one of your desires (including a few you weren’t aware you had before meeting him) with little or no question. So when you opened your mouth to ask, though your cheeks burned with the incoming confession, you were confident he would give permission.

“Rick, Can I - “

But he cut you off with a look, his unibrow quirked at one end, reading you, as usual, with uncanny ease. How was it he always knew what you wanted before you found the courage to express it? 

He snorted, smirked. Motioned you over after tossing his phone and flask to the bed. Scrambling, you crawled on top of him, straddled his hips, resisted the urge to palm his cock or press a kiss to his chest. Lacing his fingers behind his head, he stretched, leaned back, his ribcage and hipbones protruding, beautiful, harsh angles of perfect symmetry. You devoured the sight. Biting his lip, he offered a nod by way of approval.

“Go ahead. Do it. Just watch the ribs. I-I-I’m a little - can be kind of ticklish.”

 

 


	26. Generic Rick x Gender Neutral Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dude! A fic about Reader asking Rick to take them to outer space for the very first time! Or going to outer space for the first time!

“Rick, that thing is literally made out of  _garbage_.”

Standing before his spaceship, you were aghast, and more than a little terrified. Rick had ordered you to climb into what appeared to be an amalgamation of objects collected from the city dump, claiming it could fly. Deeply skeptical, you griped, protested, but your complaints were futile. He waved away your concerns.

“Yeah, yeah it - I-I-I had to improvise when I moved in with Beth. It  _works_  and it’s  _safe_ … ish. Just - just _get in_  a-a-and shut up. We’re already late.”

Curiosity piqued despite rattled nerves, you followed instructions and boarded the rickety vessel, nose wrinkling at the combined odor of stale beer, motor oil and Irish Spring soap. Once in the driver’s seat, Rick started the engine, piloted from the ground. It made your stomach lurch and roll as the ship fought against the pull of gravity. Lifting off into the upper reaches of the stratosphere, the collection of empty bottles and cans clattered and clanged under the backseat.

While you’d been sullen, reluctant at first, the further you traveled from the harsh glare of the city the more you began to notice the brilliance of the landscape laid out before you. By the time the ship had broken free of the exosphere, you were in a state of awed silence, mouth hanging open. The sky was filled with tiny pinpricks of color. Stars contrasted sharply with the inky black of space, standing out like little spotlights among a sea of midnight. Galaxies spun and swirled in miniature, far out of reach, glittering pinwheels of luminous splendor, and at a distance you could see the bulbous shape of planets hanging, suspended in perfect animation. It was magnificent, overwhelming, and made you question how you would ever look up at the night sky again without a sense of complete wonderment.

As you gaped, Rick was uncharacteristically quiet. He watched you from the corner of his eye, cataloging every gasp and smile, every reaction. Finally, he broke your reverie to motion you over.

“C’mere. Sit - come over here.”

Obeying, you deposited yourself onto his lap, your legs draping over his thighs, your toes brushing the ground. Keeping one hand on the steering wheel, he motioned with the other as he explained this vision of grandeur.

“Aaaalright, so. L-listen up, pay attention. We’re headed in the - going towards the direction of the third spiral arm of the Milky Way. I-I-I’m assuming you passed elementary school science class and I don’t have to explain what _that_  is. Just - just know that our location in - where  _we_  are in relation to aaaall of it is about 26,000 light years from the Galactic Center. Give uh - g-give or take.”

He paused, directed you to remove his flask from his lab coat. After taking a drink, he passed it back. You cradled it in your palms, a solid object, simple and generic, so unlike the man who used it.

“Our galaxy is fucking massive, but it’s - i-i-it’s part of an even larger one. A bigger structure called the - i-it’s the Virgo Supercluster. Fortune tellers and astrology nuts - that stuff comes from - y-y-you know  _some of it_ , actual science. Not - not whatever pseudo bullshit black magic fuckery those assholes peddle. Aaaaanyway, next closest galaxy is - it’s the Andromeda, which is around 2.5 million light years away. I-I-I’ll take you there - not today. Not - we don’t have time, but soon.”

As he was speaking, his free hand played along your thigh, the fingers running, dancing up and down the length. You expected him to force his way between, grab at the clothed crux, but he didn’t. Instead, he seemed to savor this moment, basking in the opportunity to talk, teach you something without the heady, consuming fire of lust tinging his words and deeds. And you were enthralled, staring openly, resisting the urge to lay your head against him. Rick could ramble on until the sun burned into nothing, collapsed in on itself, and you would attend, rapt, completely spellbound.  

The silence registered, and you blinked, startled, felt your face flush when you realized he was looking at you, one side of his unibrow quirked up in question. Finding your voice, you pressed him to continue.

“Keep going. Tell me more. Tell me  _everything_.”

Rick smiled, it was genuine, authentic, no hint of his usual irritability or impatience. Years later, long after he’d disappeared from your life, vanishing permanently into a portal without a backwards glance, you would remember this moment, and that smile, in picture perfect clarity.

“Ooook so. W-where we’re going is - i-i-it’s a planet located in the …. “

As he resumed his lesson, the gravelly tones of his voice vibrating out from his bony chest, you surrendered to your longing - that previous silly desire - rested your cheek on his shoulder, closed your eyes, and listened.


	27. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick can be such a tease.

“How you’d get that bruise?” **  
**

An unexpected hard poke, a bony finger pressed to the mottled purple spot on your bare thigh. It made you jump, glare at the naked, old man in your bed.

“Ok, first:  _OW_. Think you can keep those ice picks to yourself? And second, I genuinely have no idea.”

A chuckle, and then he repeated the process.

“This one then?”

“Clueless.”

“Whhaaaaat about - this one?”

“ _Ugh_ , Rick I - no, wait.  _You_  gave me that one.”

There was the pride of ownership in his voice.

“Oh, yeah. I-I did, didn’t I?”

Rolling your eyes, you huffed, tried to shift out of reach, but he saw through the insincerity, and inched closer. As much as you chastised, scolded, slapped his hands when he took to pestering and prodding, there was never any true intent behind your actions. Rick reveled in that knowledge, basked in your inability - or rather your unwillingness - to tell him no. The man was an addiction, a fever which burned up your brain, and to abate the delirious heat, the sweet sickness he inflicted, you always needed  _more_. You would deny him nothing, and he knew it.

With your back now flush to his chest, his mouth found your neck, pressed a wet kiss there before trailing up the line of your jaw.  Despite squirming, issuing half-hearted protests, claiming you had an event to attend and could he  _please just let you go get ready_ , he was not persuaded.

“ _Seriously,_  Rick I have to - “

But he cut you off with a sharp “Shut up,” rocking his hard cock into the place above your ass, parting your thighs with a knee. Those long fingers found your clit, circled it slow and deliberate, movements meant to tease and coax the low note of your arousal into an insistent hum.

“Y-y-you have to  _what_? Go to some bullshit social function and rub elbows with mediocrity? Chatter about stupid - trade inane niceties a-a-and ‘how have you beens’ all while you stand there, pussy wet, because you’re a dirty slut who can’t - doesn’t know how to stop thinking about riding my dick?”

Rick slipped two fingers into your cunt, resulting in a moan and another phony complaint.

“Rick,  _please_. I really need - ”

The protest was silenced with a growl and a bite -  _I-I’m not done, slut_  - and still he persisted, determined to hold you, suspend you in this state of wanton animation.

“Don’t you ‘Rick, please’  _me_ , baby. I-I-I know  _you._  Just - just - keep bitching. Go on. I-I’ll fill you with my cum and make you attend that pretentious fucking party with it running down your leg. Think I won’t?”

And he would,  _of course_  he would, because the only thing Rick enjoyed more than making you scream his name were shameless displays of his dominion, the iron shackle of his control which you donned with equal parts elation and misery. He was an illness, but you rejected the cure.

You clenched, whined, pushed your ass back along the hard, hot line of his cock as he continued to fuck you with his hand. Rick knew what you wanted,  _needed_ , but was denying that relief. Because he could, because he liked to watch you struggle. Breath warm against your shoulder, he laughed, a bitter sound without humor.

“Get up, slut. Y-you have  _plans_.”

Withdrawing his fingers, he sucked them clean while you pouted and obeyed, climbed out of bed. Your pussy was slick, unsated desire making you sullen and irritable. Searching for your clothes, motions quick, jerky, you griped at him.

“I  _hate_  you.”

But Rick just shook his head and laughed again. Stretching out to his full length, cock still hard against his stomach, he smirked when your eyes went there immediately, your fists balled in frustration. Reading you, the hunger and greed which you were too weak to deny, he bit his lip, gloating in your torment.

“No you don’t. But uh - y-you can go ahead and say it if it makes you feel better.”


	28. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick earns a set of red wings.

“It’s not a  _rejection._  I’m asking for a  _rain check.”_ **  
**

Rick stood before you, frowning, one side of his unibrow quirked up. He’d portaled into your apartment, unannounced, only to find you were less than enthusiastic at his pawing hands, at the thought of tending to his persistent erection. Clarity was obviously required, as his expression darkened when you’d refused his advances. Rick and the word ‘no’ had a long and sordid history.

“Sorry. It’s just been a shitty day, OK? All I want to do is drink a bottle of wine, watch re-runs of Parks and Rec, and pass out.”

Sighing, you grimaced as the lines of his forehead deepened, his mouth turned down. The whole truth might be better, you reasoned. Honesty and best policies yadda yadda yadda.

“I started my period. The cramps are  _killing_  me. Sex is just… I don’t know. It doesn’t sound very appealing.”

At your confession, his face shifted from simmering anger to smug comprehension.

“C’mon. Get uh - grab a towel. I-I’ll eat your pussy.”

Your mouth dropped open. Did he…? Did that…?  _No_.

“Rick, you heard me, right? Wait, that’s a stupid question,  _of course_  you heard me, but … _Really?_  You want to do that…  _now?_ ”

Rolling his eyes, he grabbed your upper arm, forcing you to follow as he stalked down the hall. You headed for your bathroom while he rifled through a closet. Exiting, you found he’d removed his lab coat and shirt, had his trousers halfway down his skinny legs.

“Just - just  _trust me_ when I say I know what I’m doing, got it? When am I wrong?”

Your face told him the response was unsatisfactory.

“Th-that was a rhetorical question, by the way. I-I’m not - the answer is don’t think about it.”

Tossing you an old sheet, he instructed you to arrange it on your bed and strip. You did, laying back, before he grabbed one ankle and pulled, positioning you. With a grunt, he placed himself at the crux of your thighs, his arms hooked beneath your legs.

And there was absolutely  _no_  hesitation. With his entire mouth, he devoured you, held his tongue flat against your clit, lapping and teasing, dove in to taste your coppery, slick core and gorge on your wetness. You moaned, buried a hand in his hair, rolled your hips. When he stopped, you glanced down, eyes going wide at the broad smears of crimson on his mouth and chin.

“Did - are you wearing anything?”

“No, I took it out.”

“ _Good_.”

He slipped two fingers inside, curled them, beckoning, making you curse and call his name as he returned his mouth to your cunt. The mess was extravagant, a miniature Pollock in a single hue, and you gave a mental note of thanks for Rick’s foresight, but then he was sucking on your clit, making you wail and clench, your back arc as he pushed you towards release. There was a groan of encouragement from between your legs, and then they closed, involuntary, around his head as you came, that rolling tide of bliss taking you, washing over you, his name issuing forth from your throat in a sob of ecstasy.

Once you stilled, he removed his fingers, stained a deep red, and pulled away. Propping up on your elbows, you immediately fell back with a laugh.

“Oh my  _God_ , Rick! You need to - you need -  _holy shit!_ ”

Crawling up your body, he hung, suspended, waiting out your giggles. As he grinned - a terrifying visage with his chin, cheeks and teeth still smeared scarlet with your blood - you briefly entertained the idea of kissing him, but dismissed it. It would only be interpreted as encouragement, and he needed precious little of that. As if reading your mind Rick dipped down, but shifted to the left, wiping his face. When he returned, he  _did_  kiss you, though it was chaste.

“Better?”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

Biting his lip, he nodded, rocked his hips, rubbing the hard line of his cock along your slit, painting it red. You didn’t interfere, tilting your pelvis up to align the head with your slick entrance and snaking a hand between you to guide him. He thrust in with a groan, a guttural sound of his constrained desire, and as he began to fuck you, his movements slow, unhurried, despite the impatience that burned beneath his skin, you gasped his name.

_Rick._


	29. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday to me.
> 
> CW: Deep throating and anal sex

“Fffuck _yes_ , baby. Suck my dick.”

Rick’s cock was shoved down your throat, balls pressed to your chin. You were choking, drooling, tears coursing down your cheeks as you struggled to control your gag reflex. Today had been busy, which required you to brush off his lewd texts and suggestive photos with single word responses. This divided attention was not appreciated, so once you were home he’d portaled in, smirking, erection straining the front of his trousers, and forced you to the ground via one large hand fisted in your hair. Biting your lip, eyes half-lidded, you watched as he undid his belt, brought down his fly. And,  _oh god,_  once free of those confines you moaned, a shameless sound of pure desire. The tether which bound you, the ephemeral line of lust and longing which tied you two together, it was almost tangible.

The sounds issuing from your throat were obscene as he fucked your face. Having learned long ago to keep your hands to yourself unless ordered, your thighs were taught, muscles straining with the effort of balancing on your knees as he used you.

“Y-you look so beautiful when you choke on my dick, baby. Buuuut, I wanna - I-I’ve been waiting all day to hear you scream my name. Soooo, I hope you planned on taking it up the ass.”

Hauling you to your feet, he ignored your whimpers of discomfort, steered you, forcing you to bend over the kitchen counter. You gripped the edge as the hem of your dress was flipped up, your panties roughly removed. He rubbed the length of his cock along your hip, teasing, and you pushed back against him, but it only made him chuckle at your eagerness.

“Such a - y-y-you can’t wait for me to shove my cock in your ass, can you baby? I knoooow. You’re just a - always my little whore”

From somewhere he’d retrieved lube, as you heard the squelch, felt the cold slickness of it hit. When one and then two fingers slipped that wetness into your puckered entrance to stretch you, you moaned, cursed. You were impatient.

“ _Rick_! Rick,  _please_ …”

Nothing further was required. Withdrawing, he placed the fat head of his cock at your ass. The pain as he pressed in was profound, grounding, and you reminded yourself to breath as he worked to breach the little ring of muscle. When you keened, he took mercy, those deft fingers circling your clit as he began to fuck you open with short, sharp movements. And as that last bit of resistance gave way and he sank fully into your ass, you wailed, rested your forehead on the cool surface of the counter. His thick cock split you open, forced your body to adjust, gave you no quarter. You could not deny him, though you never would, and so with shaking thighs and fluttering eyelids, you murmured his name. A plea, an entreaty. A prayer.

He fucked you hard, his thrusts vicious but measured. He would have all of you, burn you to the ground and leave nothing but bones and ash, a pile of dust. And as always, he doled out your pleasure as he desired, pinning your hands behind your back as he tore you apart, relentless. Pussy wet and empty, aching with need, you begged to touch yourself, to relieve some of the delicious tension, but he refused.

“Not yet, baby. I-I  _know_  you.  _You_   _like to suffer_.”

With that, he fisted your hair again and pulled, bringing you up against his chest. His hips slowed to a tortuous grind, ensuring you felt every inch. It hurt, the pain and pleasure mingling, dancing, rendering you half incoherent. Releasing your hair, he gripped your jaw, forcing your head back at an awkward angle where, with a growl, he sank his teeth into the skin of your neck. It made you wail anew before he stuck two fingers in your mouth, down your throat. You sucked without being told, moaning around them. When he felt you clench, he grinned.

“Thaaat’s it, slut. Y-you wanna cum? Go on. Nnnfff- say it. Tell me - say - I wanna hear my name.”

As his fingers, wet with your drool, trailed down your chin and sternum towards your cunt, you sobbed, broken.

“Rick,  _please_!”

And _oh_ , you were  _so close_  that when he shoved those same fingers into your pussy, his palm pressing to your clit, you howled, ground down. Your release came in an instant, a magnificent flare of undulating bliss that stole your breath, made you tremble and collapse forward. Rick’s name, along with a litany of curses, poured from your mouth, ripped from your throat with the fervor and devotion of the newly saved as he continued to fuck you, unyielding, in his pursuit of your complete surrender.

“Ffuck! That’s it - y-you’re such a good slut, baby. My - always my good girl, taking my dick in your tight ass and - and - “

Those last words trailed off into a formless groan as he clung to you, lost his rhythm and forced in to the hilt as he started to cum. Calling your name in a guttural moan, he gripped your hips with both hands, those long fingers digging into the soft skin, his balls pressed to the lips of your cunt as he filled you. When he pulled out, you could feel his cum leaking down the inside of your thigh and it made you smile, sated.

“Get uh - get on up there, birthday girl.”

At those words, you straightened, shocked, and turned to face him.

“Rick, how did you - “

But he just smirked, waved away your question with his usual air of annoyance.

“Does it  _matter_? Point is I - th-this is what you wanted, isn’t it?”

And you had to admit, he was right.


	30. Cop Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request: Some time ago you had written a more dominant cop rick fic - please can we have more of this precious gem

What you remembered most was the blood. It was everywhere. On his cheeks and neck, in his hair - the red conflicting with the blue-gray hue like bright flecks of paint. His uniform, the left side where he’d been stabbed, was thick with it, saturated, stained black. The deep crimson, his life in liquid, it tinged your palms and fingertips, splashed up the lines of your wrists and arms. You were convinced he would die, certain no one, not even a Rick, could survive these wounds.

And yet, he fought. That characteristic stubbornness, the refusal to submit, it persisted even in the face of death. And so as he laid in the hospital, wires like marionette strings running helter skelter across the bed and along the floor, machines beeping in the background, tracking his blood pressure, breathing rate, heart beat, you rested your head against his thigh and drifted off to sleep.

It had grown dark when you were awoken by a hand in your hair. It started off gentle, caressing, long fingers playing through the strands with his typical tender affection. But then it transitioned, became a fist. It made you tense, open your eyes. He was awake, and when you met his gaze you noticed the effects of the drugs, his glossy eyes, dilated pupils, pallid complexion dotted with beads of sweat… and something else. It was carnal, vulgar. You had seen it before, but rarely from  _him_ , as he was proficient at tamping down the insatiable lust which ruled the others. You shuddered, nervous. When he spoke, his voice was a low roll, thunder and lightning.

“Suck my dick. R-right - right now. Suck it, slut.”

The bulge was obvious, his cock already hard. He rolled his hips, pulled on your hair hard enough to make you whine.

“Are you - did you go  _deaf_? I-I-I said suck my fucking dick.”

With shaking hands you pulled back the sheets, lifted his hospital gown. When you moved to take him in your mouth, he growled, impatient, shoved your head down onto his length. You choked, gagged as his girth forced your tongue flat, your jaw to extend. His grip was iron, and he moaned as you struggled.

“Ffuuuuck  _yes,_  baby.. Ohhnnff - all the - swallow my cock.”

Intimating the rhythm he sought, you bobbed, drool running down his shaft and pooling at the base. Rick didn’t care, thrusting in time with your movements, biting his lip as he watched. You squirmed in your seat, the hum of your unsated desire making you slick. He noticed and grinned.

“Touch uh - rub your clit, slut. Go on.”

You complied, moaning around him as your fingers circled the stiff little button. Never faltering despite the bright line of pain along your face, the tears which blurred your vision, you used your tongue and lips to tease and satisfy, to push him towards release. Above you he groaned, a gorgeous sound, unbridled, and you knew he was close.

“I-I-I’m gonna cum in that pretty little mouth, baby. Make - you better swallow what I give you.”

There was never any hesitation, and as he began to cum, his cock throbbing, you willed yourself to relax, to take as much as possible. You swallowed out of instinct when it hit the back of your throat, the saltiness and musk invading your nostrils. Moaning, cursing, Rick held you in place while he waited for the pleasure to abate, his senses to return. Your desire was still thick, insistent, but you did nothing to relieve the tension, choosing instead to sit back and wipe your numb lips with a palm. When you glanced to him, he was struggling to stay awake, the combination of the drugs and his orgasm pulling him towards unconsciousness. You cleaned him, covered him, placed a single kiss on one stubbled cheek as he drifted back to sleep.

Three days later, once released from the hospital with strict orders to take a much needed vacation, you asked him about that evening. His initial reaction conveyed his confusion and, when you gave him specifics, he blushed, eyes going wide, mouth falling open.

“I-I-I did  _what_?! No…. No, baby. I would  _never_  treat you that way.”

But now, you weren’t so sure.


	31. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bring Your Rick to Work Day!

As Rick pushed you to the floor in the empty conference room, erection straining the front of his trousers, you realized asking him to come along with you to “Bring Your Family and Friends to Work Day” was either very stupid or absolutely ingenious. **  
**

“Yeah I’ll - I-I-I’m down. I’ll do it.”

He hadn’t even looked up from his phone, just said  _yes_. No arguments, no complaints, no grumbles of  _I’m not your fucking boyfriend_ ; nothing. This  _should_ have made you uneasy, but for whatever reason - maybe it was because he finally complied to a request without nary a word in the negative - you accepted his consent at face value. Mistake number one.

Mistake number two was asking him to meet your coworkers. At first, Rick was surprisingly well behaved. When you’d introduced him (a simple “This is Rick”) he’d tolerated the idle chatter much longer than expected. However, two minutes into the conversation you felt those long fingers creep across your lower back, down to the swell of your ass where he squeezed, hard enough to make you jump. You blushed, involuntary, as Stan from Accounting did his best not to stare, but the poor man was obviously confused and released a nervous giggle.

“Very… _Affectionate_  family, I see.”

At that you stuttered, attempting to correct the misconception that Rick was some kind of relative, but Rick interrupted you.

“What? Oh, this? Naaah.  I’m not her dad. I-I-I’m her fuck buddy.”

Stan from Accounting blinked, turned an alarming shade of red, and made a hasty retreat. You spun to Rick, smacking his hand away, jabbing a finger in his chest.

“You  _can’t_  say that to my coworkers, I see these people every day!”

But there was no remorse in his face - not that you expected any - instead, he was smug. Pulling out his flask, he took a long pull and belched, drool dribbling out onto his lower lip.

“Y-y-you didn’t bring me here to play nice with these dipshits. C’moooon, where can we - there has to be a place around here where you can suck my dick.”

Opening your mouth to chastise him, you paused. He was right,  _of course_  he was right. How many times had you imagined him showing up just to pull you into a storage closet or a conference room, shove his cock down your throat, or up your ass? He would fuck you until you were a sweaty mess - your hair disheveled, lipstick smeared - and then make you return to your desk with his cum still running down your leg.

Desire was already pooling between your thighs. You grabbed Rick’s wrist, pulled him down the hall, away from the crowd. It didn’t take long to find an empty room. Once the door was locked, you turned to him.

“You’re right. Fuck me.”

He smirked, placed a hand on your shoulder.

“On your knees, baby.”

You didn’t hesitate.


	32. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DWC: You’ve committed countless crimes and have done unspeakable things to rise to the top

“Rick, you can’t do that in Monopoly! It’s against the rules!”

Let’s play a board game, you said. It’ll be  _fun,_  you said.

It was  _not_  fun. It was  _war_.

Rick Sanchez was quite possibly the single most competitive person you’d ever encountered. He was willing to lie, cheat, and steal if it meant claiming victory; a victory which he would then laud over you with unapologetic glee. Scowling at your complaint, he leaned back, crossed his arms over his narrow chest.

“I-I-I’ve committed countless crimes and done unspeak - terrible fucking things to rise to the top. Plus y-you - literally _no one_  plays this dumbass game by the rules. W-what are you - a Hasbro representative - did you - were you there in 1935 when they wrote the goddamn manual? You’re just pissed cause I’m  _winning_.”

You didn’t wish to validate him, so you held your tongue, sat there a silent, seething tower. However, he  _did_  have a point. As it stood, he controlled over three quarters of the board - owned all the railroads and utilities, the vast majority of the properties - and it was obvious he had zero intentions to quit until his dominance was complete, or you cried uncle. After a moment, you accepted your fate and slumped forward, beaten.

“Fine, Rick.  _You win_. I swear to god I am  _never_  playing a game with you again. You’re the  _worst_.”

Expecting him to crow in triumph at your voluntary surrender, he surprised you by reaching across the tiny coffee table, grabbing one wrist and pulling. You huffed but complied, stepped over, allowed him to deposit you onto his lap where you straddled his thighs. Though you were still petulant, he broke your pout by fisting a hand in your hair. He wrenched back, exposing the column of your neck, making you gasp as he ran his teeth and tongue along that sensitive skin. His voice a low purr, it ignited a spark of desire in your core. That heat spread, insistent, only to pool between your legs.  _Damn_ him for being so good at this.

“Y-you don’t keep me around to participate in family game night, baby.”

Rolling your hips to grind your clothed cunt against his forming erection, you paused, offered a sly grin which he returned.

“So, is that your Get Out of Jail Free Card in your pants, or should I Pass Go and Collect $200?”

He snorted, barked laughter, then smothered your smirk with a kiss.


	33. Generic Rick x Gender Neutral Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pointless feels.

Sleep didn’t come easy. Instead, you often chased it, a constant, fleeting entity which was absolutely vital, yet almost always elusive. On the rare evenings it embraced you, allowed you to nestle within its arms, pulled you down to the depths of unconsciousness without a struggle, you were grateful, compliant. **  
**

Yet, those also seemed to be the nights when Rick would find his way into your bed at three in the morning, drunk, dirty, reeking of booze and sweat. Mumbling, unsteady on his feet, he would peel off his clothes, unconcerned with where they fell. Occasionally, it was a tidy pile of shoes, pants, shirt and lab coat. But more often than not, it was a trail leading from your kitchen or living room, down the hall, into your bedroom. Those times you awoke before him, you’d wander back through your apartment to collect the items in reverse; Gretel re-gathering her pile of breadcrumbs.

He would never tell you  _why_ , and it wasn’t uncommon for him to vanish before you, and the sun, had risen. But when he  _did_ stay, you would inevitably find his erection pressed into your lower back, his kisses wet and warm along the line of your neck. He would fuck you slow, unhurried - not gentle, just lazy -  dig his fingers into your hips and thighs, sink his teeth in at your shoulder as you cried his name, your voice still heavy with sleep. And if he was feeling particularly pliant - or hungover - he would even let you feed him breakfast.

Though you would never say it, you worried about him. Rick was far too  _tall_ to be so  _thin_ , and while you adored the way his ribs and hip bones strained against his sallow skin, cherished every opportunity to kiss and touch and bite, you still  _cared_.  However, you realized your care was not desired, or at least, would be rejected, so you masked it underneath a pile of annoyance and indifference, rolled eyes and half-hearted complaints. Rick couldn’t abide sympathy.

So when you found yourself this morning sitting at your small kitchen table, early sunlight filtering in through the window, you watched him. Watched as he poured rum into his coffee, listened as he ranted - fork in hand - about an illegal alien arms deal gone south. Noting his stubbled cheeks, his tousled hair, the way his bare chest rose and fell with each breath, you sipped from your mug, and bit your lip to keep from smiling.

Maybe  _one day_ , you thought. One day. But, deep down, you knew thatwas a lie. Because one daywould never come. 


	34. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick + You + Mario Kart = shenanigans

For once, Rick Sanchez was  _losing._

Granted, it was a game of Mario Kart, and you were fairly certain the only reason was because he was too busy trying to drink and play at the same time, but that didn’t dampen the flood of satisfaction you felt as you listened to his snarled complaints. Grinning, you laughed when the race ended and you could claim victory. Again.

“I really thought you’d be better at this, Rick.”

Unibrow a V of annoyance, he sneered before snatching up his bottle of beer and downing the rest in one, long gulp.

“Aaaalright, that’s - that’s enough of your condescending bullshit. One more round. I-I shouldn’t - don’t you know you’re not supposed to drink and drive?”

You snorted, rolled your eyes.

“Don’t you  _always_  drive drunk?”

But he just grumbled, shrugged off your comment. His large hands engulfed the little plastic steering wheel, and he looked almost comical sitting there hunched over, shirtless, his ribs and bony shoulders on fill display. More than once you glanced at him from the corner of your eye, considered poking him in the side - the place you knew made him jump - but you feared the repercussions.

As the intro music chimed in, Rick belched, drool dribbling out onto his chin and bottom lip which he didn’t bother to wipe away. Of course he was aware of your perverse obsession, your desire to lick it from his face every time it appeared, and had undoubtedly left it there hoping to distract you. Under different circumstances - for instance if  _he_  were winning - that would have worked. However, you were focused, determined, and you tamped down the urge.

“Ready to lose again, old man?”

There was a growl and a mumbled  _yyyeah, we’ll see about that_  but then the race began and you tuned him out, intent on your goal. Everything was in your favor, with you ahead and half the laps completed. You considered an early victory celebration, but Rick, never one to miss an opportunity to seize the upper hand, lunged, reaching for your controller. With a shriek you pulled away, but you were no match for those long arms and he grabbed it, yanked it from your grasp. Successful in his conquest, he held it above his head while he cackled; a trophy for the usurper.

“Rick, that’s cheating!”

When you scrambled to retrieve it, he only hoisted it higher, grinning and laughing at your obvious dismay.

“Who’s winning  _now,_  bitch?! That’s right. Not you!”

Oh that,  _bastard._  Cursing him, you stood on the couch, desperate to reclaim your rightful place as champion, but this only provided him additional leverage. He tossed both controllers to the ground, wrapped his arms around your legs and pulled. You landed on your stomach with an  _oof_ , draped across his lap. Flipping you over, he leaned in, his face twisted with a smirk. But you took advantage of his proximity, grabbed his head and ran your tongue along his bottom lip, collecting the sheen of drool.

You’d caught him off guard and he grunted in surprise and arousal, but the distraction was temporary and he quickly recovered. Growling into your neck, he started to kiss and nip along that sensitive column of skin.

“Dirty little - y-y-you can’t help yourself, can you?”

One hand found its way to the crux of your thighs and he ground his palm into your clothed cunt, making you moan, arc to his touch, stoking the heat of your desire which pooled, thick and insistent. His erection was pressed at your lower back, a hot, hard line, and you rolled against it, hoping he would infer your need. Rick took the hint, pulled you up and tossed you onto the other end of couch, pressed your face into the cushions. Gripping your hips in both hands, he positioned you, ass to crotch, told you to stay put as he freed his cock from his trousers, rubbed the fat head along your wet slit to gather the moisture. When he slid in, stretching you, you pushed back, wanting, seeking more more more.

“Nnnf fuck - you - you’re pussy is so wet for me. Tight and - and hot and -”

You moaned, shameless, as he picked up a persistent rhythm, his cock splitting you open with each thrust. Fingers digging into the skin at your hips, he fucked you, refusing to temper his lust as he took his pleasure from your body bit by bit, piece by piece. He would always claim victory here, like this, always reign, and you would always let him.

With no resistance left, you asked, begged to touch your clit, but he did it for you, those long fingers finding that slick flesh, circling as he pushed you, edged you up to your release. You clenched and wailed, your nails digging tiny crescents into your palms.

“Rick,  _please!”_

And he relented.

“Go on, baby. Cum for me. Say - say my name.”

Those words were a sweet mercy, your deliverance, and your climax rolled over you, a bright tide of bliss that made you sob, his name pouring from your mouth as he continued to fuck you, seeking his own completion. You heard him groan, wanton and delicious, and then his hips were stuttering, stalling as he lost his rhythm. Hands gripping you hard enough to bruise, he buried himself in your cunt as he came, filling you completely, adding his warm wetness to your own.

When he pulled back, you rolled over, sated, and watched as he tucked himself away. Glancing at the TV, you frowned and sat up.

“You did that on purpose! I was about to beat your best time!”

Rick was not apologetic, instead he chuckled, pat you on the head, and then cupped your jaw. Leaning forward, he placed a single kiss on your cheek before standing back, a wicked grin on his face.

“Baby,  _nobody_  beats me.”


	35. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DWC prompt: Voyeuristically, you watch two Ricks make out.

Explicit instructions: sit down, watch, don’t interact.

Watch? Don’t interact? He might as well have asked you to take his cock and not moan. You bit your lip, squeezed your thighs together as Rick - _your_  Rick - kissed, nipped at the lips of another. Shifting to get a better view, you squirmed, noted the way his teeth grazed the skin of the other Rick’s neck, how his hands trailed ever downwards to palm the erection in his pants.

Sit down? You gripped the edges of your chair so hard you were afraid it might  _break_. Oh no no no  _please_  no. How could you  _stand_  this? He had to know you were struggling, the unsated desire between your legs so insistent it was almost palpable.

Your Rick snuck a glance at you from the corner of his eye, saw your white knuckles, the way your cheeks were flushed, how you held your place but only barely. Obeying him was paramount, you knew this, but your misery, your  _need_ was overwhelming. You dared to ask, your voice a high pitched whine.

“Rick,  _please_ …”

And for whatever reason - maybe he was feeling particularly magnanimous that day - he motioned you over. You complied, sinking down to your knees without hesitation once you’d reached the pair. As the other Rick licked a stripe up your Rick’s neck, your Rick fisted a hand in your hair, wrenched it back.

“Y-y-you wanna suck our dicks, slut?”

There was no need to respond, he knew the answer.


	36. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YOOOO CAN I PLEASE GET SOME ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY SEX WITH RICK

“ _Fuck you_ , old man! This is all your fault!” **  
**

Logically, you knew berating Rick at a time like this - when the two of you were stranded on some backwater bullshit planet due to his alcohol induced forgetfulness - was both dangerous and stupid. But you didn’t care, you were livid.

“I get it. You’re the  _smartest_  human in the multiverse and everyone else is just a big ol’ dumbass by comparison! But right now,  _you_  look like the dumbass.”

With him bent over under the hood of his ship, you missed the grumbled warning, his gruff  _shut your fucking mouth,_  and even if you hadn’t, in retrospect you weren’t entirely sure you would have obeyed. Rick and ridiculous situations were just a facet of life, you’d accepted this after the first time he drug you through a portal and fucked you under the stars of some alien world claiming the air was an aphrodisiac. The sex and the view had been incredible, and he’d delivered you home the next day, exhausted but thrilled at the prospect of  _more._  It was that same prospect  -  of more adventures, more excitement, more of  _him_  - which kept you tethered to the man, his fish hooks sunk firmly in your flesh.

A bang interrupted your tirade, and turning you watched Rick stalk in your direction, his oil stained lab coat discarded, shirtsleeves rolled up revealing his wiry forearms. His frown was wide, intense, unibrow a V of anger, and when he tangled his hand in your hair, yanked your head back, it was only then you thought perhaps it would have been better to have held your tongue.

“A-are you so fucking  _stupid_  you can’t follow simple - don’t know how to listen when I-I tell you to shut the fuck up?!”

Spit flecked against your face as he yelled, but your rage had not dissipated. The fact was, you were stuck in this place because of his drunken ineptitude, and he was going to hear about it. If nothing else, it would make you feel better to give him hell for all the havoc he wreaked in your life. You returned his sneer and his venom.

“Yeah, you old bastard, I can hear just fine! Pulling on -  _ow!_  - ripping my hair out won’t do anything to change how completely  _screwed_  we are. The only thing it’ll do is make me ugly! And since we’re stuck here for however long it takes you to figure out a way off this goddamn planet, then you probably shouldn’t render me unfuckable. We both know -  _ah_! - you’re incapable of keeping your dick out of my ass!”

That was the wrong thing to say. Snarling, Rick thew you to the ground, where you hit hard on one hip. You scrambled to return to your feet, but he was impossibly fast and he dropped to his knees, trapping you between his long legs. Pinning you with a hand at your throat, he leaned in, teeth bared.

“Y-you’re right. I loooove sticking my dick up your ass ‘cause of how loud you  _scream_  when I do it!”

It was your turn to snarl, and you grabbed a handful of his coarse hair, pulled back. He growled, his neck arcing, but then he smirked as his grip on your throat squeezed and tightened. You knew he would choke you until you surrendered, and you released his hair to fist both hands in his shirt, yank him down, press his lips to yours where you bit him hard enough to make him yell. His blood on your tongue was a catalyst, and you moaned, rolled your hips upwards, the previous spark of arousal now a fully fledged flame, a searing heat between your thighs. Rick grunted and laughed, inferred your need.

“Fucking little - go on, turn over, slut. I-I know that pussy is niiiiice and wet for me.”

You complied, all previous hints of defiance melting away. Rick’s signature impatience took hold as you struggled to undo the button of your pants, but he ripped at the waist, tearing them. Your panties were gone a moment later - so much useless fabric - and you heard his belt buckle and fly, felt the head of his cock at your slick entrance before he pushed in with a single cruel, thrust. You wailed at the intrusion, at that sting of pain you knew so well, and then he pressed your face to the ground, gripped your hips, filled your cunt once, perfectly, and picked up an insistent rhythm.

There was no temperance to his movements, he didn’t want this to be comfortable, and your hands bunched the soil, grit collecting underneath your fingernails as he fucked you, the slap of his hips on your ass and thighs obscene even in the open air. You were a mess, could feel the dirt as it dug into the soft skin of your cheek, the sweat on the back of your neck, and as you sobbed your pleasure, called his name, he offered you no mercy, pounding you, his thick cock cruel and delicious as he split you open. Knowing better than to reach for your clit, you begged for permission, seeking relief from the sweet ache, that rich tension, and Rick was unrelenting, gripping your hair, pulling you up, forcing you to arch your back, take more of him.

“Filthy fucking - y-you wanna cum, slut? Do it. Then you’re - I want you to swallow my dick. Taste yourself as I - when I shoot my load down your throat.”

Fingers finding your clit, you circled it, clenched and moaned at the bright sparks of pleasure as you hurried your release. Rick encouraged you, his gruff words of filth and praise pouring out as you finally came undone. Collapsing onto your forearms, you pressed your head to the cool earth, howling, your climax an exquisite rush of prurient bliss that you wished to savor, but then he pulled out too soon, much to soon, flipped you onto your back and shoved his wet cock into your mouth. You gagged, choked, as he pushed down your throat without restraint, fucking your face. You knew by the low moans and small pants that he was already close, and you forced yourself to relax, to allow his girth to stretch your jaw, flatten your tongue as he used you.

“That’s right, baby. Oh  _ffuck_ , suck my - gonna cum in that pretty little mouth. That pretty _fucking_  mouth that you don’t know how to keep  _fucking closed you goddamn smartass fucking slut_ \- “

Rick groaned, bit his lip, squeezed his eyes shut, and with one final, vicious thrust he came, the taste of him salty and pungent on your tongue. You swallowed - you always swallowed - and when he pulled out from between your numb lips, you laid there exhausted, satisfied and completely compliant. Rolling over on to all fours, you stood on shaky legs, adjusted your pants, figuring your underwear for a lost cause. It wasn’t until you looked around, inspecting the landscape of this foreign planet, that you realized you and Rick had company.

“Um…  _Rick._ ”

But as usual, he was already two steps ahead of you. As he turned to head off into the line of trees, he waved you back to the ship, and when he spoke, you couldn’t tell if the note in his voice was concern or irritation. 

“Yeah yeah. Just - I-I’ll handle this. Go on. Don’t - nothing to worry about.”

And all you could do was nod, and hope he was telling the truth.


	37. Neutralized Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Neutralized Rick

The staff said it was a synaptic dampner, but they  _should_  have called it a tranquilizer. Whatever the name, it resulted in Rick - the brilliant, cantankerous, perpetually crude old man you often adored and sometimes reviled - temporarily losing touch with the part of himself that made him both controversial and damn interesting.   **  
**

“Rick?”

You sat next to each other on the luxury liner nervous, fidgeting. When you were together, he was always in charge, his presence engulfing, larger than life. You often felt swallowed up by his shadow, consumed by his boisterous energy, and now that it had been artificially drawn back, reigned in, you were unsure of your place. At the sound of his name, he turned, silent. For a moment, you thought he might actually be looking  _through_  rather than  _at_  you, but then he spoke, his gruff voice lower than usual, his words slightly slurred.

“I-I-I like your hair.”

That caught you off guard and you blinked, stunned, a small “Huh?” escaping.

“And - and I like the way you smell. Y-you smell nice.”

This was new territory. Rick’s compliments were vulgar and usually came during sex when he praised the tight heat of your ass or cunt, the way you swallowed his cock. Bare admiration such as this was foreign and, frankly, a little uncomfortable. How do you react to an unexpected confession?

“I-I like your skin cause it’s - i-it’s really soft and - and I like your eyes. How they’re different colors around the pupils. I notice it when the sun hits them the right way. I like how you kiss me, and I-I like when you touch me and I love - I think I love - “

You squawked, interrupted his monologue by clamping a hand over his mouth. Oh God, oh _God_  this was  _not_ happening. Assuming he remembered any aspect of this conversation, you would never,  _ever_  be able to bring it up, ask if it was sincere, or merely a result of the drugs overriding his stalwart defenses. He was still trying to talk despite your makeshift gag, and so you slowly removed your palm, eyes wide, breath coming out in short bursts. Swallowing once, you asked him to repeat.

“I-I-I love cookies. I want cookies. Do you think they have cookies? I want cookies and a 90 minute cut of Avatar.”

 _Holy shit_. Crisis averted.


	38. Cop Rick x Gender Neutral Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love your blog, can I have a bit of cop Rick fluff pleaseeee

You  _hated_  Valentine’s Day. To you, it was a testament to corporate greed - a contrived, manufactured celebration of consumerism invented to sell cheap cards, chalky candy and bad chocolate. So when Rick came to you, asking if you had specific requests, that whatever your heart desired would be yours, the answer was simple:

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. OK?”

His reaction had been muted, but thoughtful, and he’d smiled, kissed you on the cheek and promised to deliver _nothing_.

Arriving home on that day, Rick was already there, waiting. With little explanation, he handed you what you thought was a wetsuit and told you to go change. When you questioned him, his response was cryptic.

“Y-y-you said you wanted nothing, baby. That’s what - I’m here to make sure you get it.”

You trusted him intrinsically, and so you complied with his instructions. Once ready, the portal lit your living room with its green glow, but before you stepped through Rick took your hand, issuing a warning.

“Th-this can - some people find it disorienting.  _Don’t let go of me_.”

All you could do was nod and follow, walking into the swirling vortex and arriving at -

Nothing. It was nothing. A blackness so deep, so complete, it made your throat constrict with panic, the air in your lungs freeze in fear. You blinked rapidly, as if doing so would clear away the darkness, tried to scream but it came out a tiny squeak. Lost you were lost and were you falling how could you ever escape and could you die here and oh my god  _oh my god where were you?!_

But then Rick’s hand squeezed yours, and you heard his gruff voice as he pulled you against him, the familiar, hard lines of his body a welcome comfort. You felt his sharp stubble as he brushed his lips along your cheek, his breath warm, and you sought him out, desperate. You kissed him, clung to him, his presence your single grounding source, your stability, and when he broke away to trail wet kisses down your neck, he whispered into your skin.

“This is  _nothing,_ baby. I-I-I hope it’s  _everything_  you thought it would be.”


	39. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My Internet BFF and I were discussing Rick’s dick (as we are wont to do) and decided there’s a good chance that that particular piece of his anatomy has most likely been enhanced in some way. Sooo here’s a fic about what happens when it uh… Malfunctions. 
> 
> CW: Ball licking. General hilarity.

Beth asked you to stay for dinner, and Rick, never one to pass up an opportunity to watch you squirm, had insisted you accept. This was  _not_ your idea of a good time and Rick knew it, but denying him was rarely an option. And so it was you found yourself seated beside him at the dining room table, forced to make small talk and dodge probing questions like how did you two meet, and what do you with your time together. **  
**

“He fucks me senseless while I scream his name” was not an appropriate answer, and so you tried to stutter out something noncommittal, but Rick lacked tact, or to be more precise just didn’t care, and responded for the both of you.

“She’s good at - helps me with very  _special_  projects. A-a-and you should hear her voice! Got a set of lungs on her.”

You blushed, shoved a forkful of meatloaf in your mouth to smother the indignant sound that wanted to escape. Amused at your discomfort, Rick merely grinned and asked Beth to pass the mashed potatoes.

There was the mundane sounds of cutlery on porcelain, the idle chatter that so often accompanied family dinners. For your part, you spoke with Beth, sipped your wine and kept all answers purposefully short or vague. Finally, after responding to her query about hobbies with a stilted “Uhhh, I like reading?” a muted belch interrupted your conversation.

“Beth, sweetie everything was delicious as usual. Y-y-you rreeeeeally outdid yourself.”

“Aww, thanks dad. You know, It’s just so nice to finally get a chance to sit and talk with your… Friend!”

Your wince at her last word didn’t go unnoticed and Rick snorted, raised one end of his unibrow. And oh god _damnit_ , it would be  _weeks_  before he let that one go. You could already hear him the next time you were on your knees or your face was pressed to the mattress - how do you like my dick in your ass  _friend,_  hey  _friend_ what are you waiting for suck my cock  _friend_ and on and on and wait…  What was that noise?

It was a low hum, distant but steady, and appeared to be from coming under the table directly to your…  _Shit._  Instantly, you knew, recognizing the familiar buzz. Rick had recently received some cybernetic enhancements, one specifically for his massive cock, and though he had called it a prototype you had voiced zero complaints. After all, it  _vibrated_  now.

Looking at Rick, his face was deceptively blank, but the wideness of his eyes and the quirk of his mouth let you know you were correct. Something down there was malfunctioning. Right this minute. In front of everyone.

Beth’s voice was the only thing that kept you from bursting into horrified laughter.

“Dad is… everything ok? You look a little pale.”

Rick coughed, grabbed at his labcoat with one hand and your wrist with the other, yanking you from your seat.

“Everything - i-i-it’s all good, sweetie! I-I-I just remembered about the timed experiment in the garage and I need my …  _Friend_  to help me with it. Dinner was great!”

You managed to squeak out a ‘Thank you!’ and then he was wrenching, dragging you down the hall. Expecting to head for the garage, he instead turned in the direction of his room where he shut the door, locked it.

“Rick, what happened?”

He already had his pants open, his half-hard cock in one hand, scowling down at the misbehaving appendage.

“I-I-I don’t fucking know, alright? It’s a - damn thing is a prototype, they’re prone to all kinds of fuckery. I did this for  _you_  so you’re - you need to help me here.”

“Help you? How the  _hell_  am I supposed to help you fix your cybernetic dick?”

_Not_  the answer he was looking for. Rick growled, unamused, the danger in his next words apparent.

“Y-y-you can start by dropping the attitude and getting your ass -  _get over here._  On your knees. Hold it. I-I need two hands for this.”

You complied, mindful of the oddity of being in this position without him immediately shoving something in your mouth. Yet despite the situation, that familiar heat was already building, and as he dug around in the pockets of his lab coat you licked your lips.

Rick noticed and grinned.

“Greedy slut. Don’t worry, you’ll be - I-I expect you to choke on it once I can get the damn thing to stop vibrating. For now, why don’t - go ahead and slobber on my balls. I-I know you want to.”

There was no indecision as you ran your tongue along the wrinkled skin, pulled one into your mouth to suck, earning yourself a groan in reward.

“Nnnf  _fuck_  yes good - good little slut. Now where the fuck is that - theeeere it is.”

Producing a small, white rectangle, he manipulated it with his thumbs until his dick, which was firmly in your hand, ceased pulsing. With that done, it disappeared back into a pocket, and he sighed, ran his fingers through his hair.

“Fuck this thing. I-I-I’m going back to the old Ass Annihilator 700. A-at least it’s been Beta tested.”

You stopped and pulled back, frowning at him.

“Rick, you made that up.”

He chuckled, but confessed.

“Yyyeaah. I did.”

Then his hand was in your hair, fisting, jerking your head back as he leaned in close with eyes half-lidded. You could smell the booze on his breath and you held your place, arousal now an insistent ache between your legs. Rick smirked, ran the thumb of his free hand over your bottom lip, watched your tongue dart out to taste it.

“Speaking of asses baby, I-I-I need  _you_  to get your fine one up on - into my bed. My cock does aaaalll kinds of tricks, but it doesn’t take care of itself.”

This time, you didn’t hesitate. 


	40. Biker Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m genuinely surprised I have yet to see a Biker Rick AU? That’d be hot as fuck man.

For hours, you’d been walking along the side of Interstate 80, heading west. Iowa, you decided, was  _boring_ , and if you never saw this wretched, flat piece of earth ever again you would die perfectly content. So you’d set out with a backpack full of clothes, all the money you had in your bank account and a plan to get as far away from this place as possible. Cars and trucks zoomed past at random intervals, and a semi had even stopped, but you’d taken one look inside the trash littered cab and said “no, thank you.” Yes, you were  _technically_ hitchhiking, but that didn’t mean you had to forgo all personal standards of cleanliness and comfort. **  
**

You heard the motorcycle before you saw it, that unmistakable rumble, the roar of the exhaust pipes. When it pulled up behind you and popped, sputtered, the engine cutting out, you weren’t surprised. What _did_  surprise you was the rider. When he stood, he was tall, tall enough he didn’t so much kick his leg up over the side of the bike as just swing it around. The dark, leather chaps covering his jeans were cracked and well-worn, and when he removed his helmet, your eyes went wide as the spiky, blue-grey mess of his hair sprung up, defying gravity.

He grinned.

“Hey. Y-y-you look like you need a ride.”

And you  _melted_.

—-

_“The name’s Rick.”_

It was a name with which you became intimately acquainted as you traveled together, your twin paths carrying you ever westward.

You screamed it when a bus almost ran you off the road in Nebraska. You’d clung to him then, your eyes squeezed shut, convinced you would be transformed into two red smears of gore and viscera, your brain matter spattered across the asphalt.

Under the stars in Wyoming, when he laid you down, fucked you hard and slow, you moaned it. He growled and cursed his pleasure, kissed your collarbone, the hollow place below your neck, and when he came he bit your shoulder so hard he left a bruise.

In Utah, when he was too hungover to ride, you cared for him as much as he would allow. It was there you learned he couldn’t abide sympathy, despised your concern, and when he roared, threw an empty beer bottle, missing your head by mere inches, you locked yourself in the bathroom and sobbed his name into the dull linoleum.

Carlin, Nevada was a tiny town with little to offer. When he’d stopped to gas up, he sent you into the convenience store to fetch a pack of cigarettes. It was there, on the wall behind the counter you saw the faded WANTED poster. It made you pause, whisper his name as fear and confusion curled up your spine, made your mouth go dry.

Finally, in San Francisco, once you’d peeled back enough of his defenses to realize exactly  _who_  and  _what_ he was, you’d said it in question as you got off the bike, surveyed your surroundings, watched as he greeted his friends, his brothers, as he called them.

When Rick turned and smiled, introduced you - “This is my Old Lady” - he extended his hand.  And you accepted it willingly, stepping into the life he offered with your eyes wide open.


	41. Bubblegum Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can you write something with Bubblegum Rick? I don't see him getting any love, and the boy does have an "oral fixation" 

Your Rick had introduced him simply as “Bubblegum,” followed by the implication you would find out soon enough why he was so popular. He wasn’t wrong. **  
**

“Spread your legs for me, baby. Just like - thaaaat’s it. _Good girl._ ”

With his arms hooked beneath your thighs, Bubblegum pulled, positioned you, and pressed his entire mouth to your cunt. You gasped, rolled to meet him when his tongue swirled around your clit, moaned when he dove down to lap at your slick core. He devoured you without pretense, without shame, gorging himself as he groaned about how you were so wet and so perfect and you tasted  _so good._

When he slipped two fingers inside you, curled them to find that secret place, driving that sweet tension ever higher, you sobbed and bucked, knocked off his hat, buried a hand in his air. He sucked on your clit, twirled the tip of his tongue just right, urging you, pushing you, and when he glanced up, ordered you to cum for him, to say his name, you were helpless to deny his request.

Once the ebb and flow of your release had dissipated and you’d regained some semblance of coherent thought, a loud SNAP caught your attention. You propped up on your elbows just in time to see a large, pink bubble forming in front of Rick’s face. It popped, and then he grinned, winked, resumed his chewing. 

You  _had_  to know.

“Was that in your mouth the whole time?”

But he shook his head and laughed, a guttural sound of amusement. His eyes roamed over the counters of your body, lascivious, hungry, and your desire began to pool once more.

“Naaah, baby. When I eat pussy, I like it to _taste_  like pussy _._ And uh - I-I-I’m interested in a second helping of what you’ve got.”


	42. Generic Rick x Gender Neutral Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because I'm sick and hate everything.

“W-w-what the fuck’s your problem, huh? Why aren’t you - get up. C’mon.” **  
**

“Uh, no. I’m _sick_.”

And you are. But Rick being Rick, his concern for you stems more from whether or not you can take his dick as opposed to how well you’re feeling. His face is a scowl, the corners of his mouth turned down, his unibrow a V. Most of the time, you tolerate his surly nature with a combination of wry humor and outright frustration, but your patience is thin thanks to the illness, and your tether is unusually short. You snap.

“Old man, the last time you were sick, you were a  _complete tyrant._  Holed up on my couch for - for - “

Your diatribe is interrupted by a violent sneeze and Rick seizes the opportunity.

_“Jeeesus_ , slow down there, patient zero. I-I-I don’t need a lesson in compassion from someone who - y-y-you’re not exactly Mother fucking Theresa.”

“Oh,  _shut up._ ”

Though it comes out more like “Shubbup” thanks to the congestion.

Rick sighs, plops down, motions you over.

“C’mere.”

But you’re not in the mood, and you glare, swipe at your nose.

_“No.”_

The look he gives you is a warning.

“Y-y-you reeeeaally wanna keep being difficult? You sure about that? I-I’m - this is an olive branch. A gift shark - horse - w-w-whatever that fucking idiom - you know what I mean. So, get over here.  _Now_.”

Sullen, you obey, scooting along the length of the sofa until you’re nestled in next to him. He drops an arm around your shoulder, pulls out his flask and passes it to you.

“What’s in it?”

‘Vodka. Natural - i-i-it’s an antiseptic. Kill all those gross ass germs you got just - just running around in there.  _Drink it._ ”

You do, wincing at the strong alcohol. Rick takes it back, drinks, then tucks it away. He kicks out his long legs, rests one on your coffee table, and switches on the TV. It’s some random show about Househunting, only the houses are sentient. After a moment, you cough, sniff, and he looks at you from the corner of his eye, pulls you in closer.

“By the way, for every hour you’re a sniveling bag of snot, y-y-you owe me a blow job.”

What was that about gift horses again?


	43. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! I’ve been a big fan of your work now and was curious to know if you’d ever consider writing a fic which Rick gets a bit nippy and bites realllllyyyy hard (enough to draw blood) and lick the wounds to show who you belong to? Maybe around the neck and thighs? If this has been done and I happened to miss it, I apologize

First, he’d bid you strip, given you no room for negotiation or complaint - both were futile - and as you stood there shivering, your nerves and the chill air raising goosebumps along your exposed flesh, Rick dipped down and bit you on the back of your neck. You yelped - in surprise and pain - but then he’d released, leaving a wet spot where his mouth had been. The bite was experimental, probing, intended to gauge your reaction. He was testing you.

He’d bound your hands next, trapped them at your lower back, wrapped your wrists with a length of coarse rope.

“Hold still.”

You obeyed, your face and breasts pressed to the cool counter, your bare ass on display. He knelt behind you, buried himself in your cunt, licking and sucking, his tongue finding your clit where he teased and circled. With a moan, you pushed into him, seeking more as he devoured you and oh  _god_  you were so close just keep going and -                

“Rick,  _please_.”

And at those words he stopped, withdrew.  You sobbed in frustration, but that sound transitioned to a strangled groan as he sunk his teeth into the soft skin of your inner thigh, his incisors two, cruel points of perfect misery. The pain and pleasure, those disparate sensations, they converged and you nearly collapsed. But he propped you up, his large hands cupping your ass, long fingers digging into the flesh.

“I-I-I said hold still, slut.”

When he bit you again, you cried his name, begged for mercy.

Again and you felt tears prick your eyes.

Again and you keened, your knees buckled.

AGAIN only this time, he pressed two fingers to your swollen clit.

AGAIN and you were a ruined mess, grinding against his hand, shameless, desperate for friction, for relief from this burning, unrelenting need and oh please Rick _please_.

AGAIN and then…

When he came away this time, you felt it. A trickle. A rivulet of blood, your life in crimson, it spilled down your skin until Rick caught it with his tongue, brought it back up, his saliva smearing the scarlet into pink. He licked over the wound, pressed a gentle kiss to it and to the others, to the collection of furious, red marks which he had seen fit to bestow upon you.

And then his mouth found your cunt once more and you were adrift, floating, shining, lost to everything but this moment and his absolute control. So that when he growled, said you were his good girl, his good little slut, ordered you to cum for him, you were hopeless, helpless to deny his demand.


	44. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I was wondering if you've ever written a fanfic with Galactic Federation Prison RickXFemale-Reader (who is also a prisioner or maybe a guard )? I'd love to read something with the 2 of them just getting along and then fucking each others brains out once they get a chance to be alone together *q*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went a sliiiiightly different direction with this but I actually really loved the request, so thank you! Also, SPOT THE STAR WARS REFERENCE :D

Galactic Federation Prison was a place where having friends meant staying alive. Gromflomites did not separate prisoners via gender, race, or species. In fact, they didn’t separate them at  _all_. If you were in gen pop - and you were almost  _always_  in gen pop - it was in your best interest to forge powerful alliances quickly, as they provided protection, companionship, and sometimes even a scapegoat. So when the infamous fugitive Rick Sanchez was caught, thrown head first into this wretched hive of scum and villainy, you knew exactly what needed to be done.

On initial approach, he’d rebuked you, refused to entertain your offer.

“I-I-I’m not gonna be in this shithole long enough to need  _help_.”

But as it turned out, he was wrong, and so on your second attempt, you could tell there was interest. He’d listened to your proposal, understood the terms, and agreed to all of them on  _one_  condition: you suck his dick.

The stipulation caught you off guard and you scoffed, indignant. In part, you were annoyed by his bid to bargain - after all  _he_  needed you and your group more than you needed _him_  - but you were also flattered. You knew who this man was,  _everyone_  did, and as he sat there, grinning at your naked shock, his eyes traveled over your face and mouth, down to the swell of your tits. You found yourself growing warm, resisted the urge to squirm beneath his gaze. Still, you had to protest.

“What? No! Why the hell would I do that?”

But Rick smirked, leaned back, those long legs spread wide. You couldn’t help it, and your stupid, traitorous eyes went right to the place he knew they would. The bastard had sat like that on purpose. He motioned you over.

“C’moooon, baby. Y-y-you’re the hottest - one of the hottest things I’ve seen since I’ve been trapped here. And you  _know_  what I can do for you and your shitty little group of wanna-be gangster thugs. I-I-I haven’t had my dick sucked properly in - in - fuck how long have I been stuck in this dump? Whaaaaatever. A long time.”

He sniffed, tilted his head.

“Besides, I-I-I know you want to.”

And goddamn him, he was  _right_. You moved over, slid to your knees, positioned yourself between his slim thighs. The jumpsuits the prison provided only had one zipper - at the top - and you watched as he brought it down, revealing his gaunt chest and sharp hipbones, freed his massive cock (and it  _was_  massive).

Before you could begin, he fisted a hand in your hair, jerked your head back, leaned in close. He bit his lip as he appraised you.

“ _Fuck_  you’re pretty. I-I-I bet you’ll look even better sucking my dick.”

Rick kissed you once, full on the mouth. It wasn’t passionate or gentle. Instead, it was ravenous, greedy, and you moaned, pushed into him, your desire running hot and thick, pooling at the base of your spine, low in your belly. When he pulled back, licked his lips, his pupils were blown wide with lust, his breathing rate increased.

“Ok, slut. Get to work. I-i-it doesn’t suck itself.”

You didn’t have to be told twice.


	45. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Reader is having an argument with Rick over the internet so he loses his temper and tracks reader's IP address to their location and things get frisky.

“Oh, not _this_  asshole again…”

You groaned as a notification appeared on your screen, alerting you to a new reply. Whoever this person was, they were  _relentless,_  had spent the past two hours online arguing with you over, of all things, recumbent bikes.

It started when you expressed an interest in purchasing one, asked for a couple of suggestions, reviews, maybe personal experiences. But within five minutes of the post going up, you’d received a response from someone with the username  **s_ck_my_d_ck72.**  As you read it, you started to frown, and the  _more_  you read, the deeper that frown became.

The reply was thus (the forum automatically censored curse words):

_Who the f &%# would want to ride one of those things? Are they chairs or are they bikes? Get a normal f&(#ing bicycle you hipster wanna-be garbage piece of s^%*!_

And then it was  _on_.

You would fire off a message, telling this Internet Warrior exactly  _why_  they were wrong and  _where_  they could stick that unwanted opinion, only to have them respond back within moments, sometimes seconds. Obviously,  _you_  weren’t backing down, and this person just needed to learn when they were beat. But now, two hours later, and you were tired of listening for the DING every time they shot off another obscenity laden reply, of reading the litany of insults they flung in your direction. You’d had enough, closed your laptop and got up to go to bed. That was, until you heard an odd hum, noted a strange light filling your living room.

“What the hell…”

You walked in, stopped, frozen in place, your mouth an open O of surprise. In front of you was a swirling vortex of green and yellow and from it emerged a man. He was _tall,_ well over six feet, and old, his limbs long and wiry, his hair an unruly mess of blue-grey which stuck up in various points and peaks. As soon as he saw you, he snarled, his lips twisting. Holding a flask, he pointed.

“Are you - y-y-you’re - “ he paused, belched, drool running out over his chin - “Loves2Ride1984, right?”

Somehow, you nodded despite your absolute terror, the fear which had gripped and immobilized you. The man grunted, took a long drink before continuing.

“Yyyyyeah, I-I-I’m suckmydick72 and we were  _not_  done with - our conversation wasn’t over, goddamnit.”

At the mention of the username, your paralysis broke and you scowled, your previous well of rage and frustration bubbling up to the surface.

“ _You’re_  suckmy - you know what, _asshole_? You’ve got  _some_  nerve showing up here after eeeeverything you said to me - “

But he closed the distance - those long legs making short work of it - and interrupted your tirade by gripping your jaw, driving you backwards. Once pinned to the wall, he pressed against you, making you gasp at the hard, hot line of his erection.

“What the fuck!”

But when he groaned, rolled his hips, you bit your lip, anger and desire mixing and mingling, creating a heady cocktail that made you seek out the belt loops of his pants to pull him in closer. At that he grinned, dipped down to ghost his lips along your cheek. His breath smelled like booze and suddenly you felt very drunk. His voice was a low growl, deep and delicious.

“Mmmm, y-y-you’re just a little slut, aren’t you? Good thing I - don’t worry, baby. I-I-I know exactly what you need.”

He nipped, pressed a wet kiss to your neck and you moaned, arched to him as he continued to grind into you.

“By the way, my name’s Rick. I-I-I suggest you - you’d better remember it. You’ll be screaming it later.”

And he was right.


	46. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had a random idea that if Rick was my boyfriend or sugar daddy, I would have a special ringtone for him... So... Imagine Rick finding out that your ringtone for him was Deepthroat by Cupcakke...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK SO. I reeeeaaaally like the idea of Rick having his own ringtone buuuuut I changed the song. Sorry not sorry.

“Shit! Where is my … Hey, Rick!”

“W-w-what? I’m busy. What?”

His definition of “busy” included sitting on your sofa, shirtless, while he watched Ball Fondlers and drank a beer. You frowned.

“ _Busy?_  You’re - ? No, nevermind. I just need you to call me. I can’t find my phone.”

There was a huff and a mumble about how he wasn’t your fucking errand boy, but miraculously he complied, pulled his device from his pocket. It was in the ensuing moments between when his thumb tapped the screen and your phone began to ring, that you remembered he had his own ringtone.

 

_I’ve got big balls_

_I’ve got big balls_

_And they’re such big balls_

_Dirty big balls_

_And he’s got big balls,_

_And she’s got big balls,_

_But we’ve got the biggest balls of them all!_

Rick looked at his phone, looked at you. It kept going.

 

_Some balls are held for charity_

_And some for fancy dress_

_But when they’re held for pleasure,_

_They’re the balls that I like best._

_And my balls are always bouncing,_

_To the left and to the right._

_It’s my belief that my big balls should be held every night._

You didn’t bother to search, just stood there, mortified, waiting for the misery to end. Finally, it did and you could feel your cheeks burning, but Rick was doubled over with laughter, clutching his sides, his bony shoulders shaking with the effort. When it subsided, he belched, motioned you over, pulled you into his lap. You could tell he was amused and he rewarded you with affection, kissed you deep and long, his tongue sliding into your mouth, igniting a spark of arousal. He tasted like beer and whiskey and,though you knew you shouldn’t, you loved it, couldn’t help the whine of disappointment when he pulled away.

“That’s my ringtone, huh? Hoooooolyyyy shit, baby. I-I-I gotta give you credit. Good - solid choice.”

No longer bashful, you offered a small smile at his praise and shruged.

“Yeah well… It’s appropriate.”

Rick hummed, bit his lip, ran a hand along your thigh and around to cup the swell of your ass. He rocked you forward against his forming erection, and you whimpered, wanton, your previous budding desire blossoming into an insistent ache. He pressed a wet kiss to your jaw, your neck, then fisted your hair, jerking you back. When he spoke, his voice was low and husky, his eyes half-lidded.

“Y-y-you like ‘em so much why don’t - how about you slobber on ‘em, slut? Get ‘em niiiice and wet for me. Suck my dick, too. A-a-and when you’re done - “

Those long fingers transformed into a claw, dug into the supple flesh.

“ - I-I-I’ll fuck that tight little ass till you cum. Now, get - go on, baby. Get down there.”

And you did, sliding to the floor silent, obedient and devoted.


	47. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick loses a bet to the reader

The terms of the bet had been simple: Rick wins, you allow him to use you as a human test subject for his newest invention -  _he_  claimed the cream was perfectly safe but needed clinical trials to prove it - and if  _you_  won….

“I want to play with your hair.”

He frowned at that, his brow furrowing.

“A-a-are you - you’re serious right now? What do you wanna - you wanna braid it, put little bows in it or some shit? I-I-I’m not a fucking Barbie.  _No._ ”

But you shrugged, unconcerned.

“Then go ask Morty to be your guinea pig.”

At that, he grumbled but agreed to your conditions. Of course, when you claimed victory, he attempted to wriggle out of his end of the bargain.

“Y-y-you sure you don’t - how about I eat your pussy.”

Gripping your jaw in one hand, your waist in the other, he pressed against you, dipped down, nipped at your neck. You whined, arched to his touch. It took so little effort to turn you into a mewling mess, to stoke the persistent heat of your insatiable desire. He knew you couldn’t resist him, and he exploited that weakness. When his hand traveled, cupped the swell of your ass, he rolled his hips so you could feel his half-hard cock through your clothes.

“Then f -  I-I-I’ll fuck you till you’re screaming,  _begging_  me to cum. C’moooon, baby.”

When his thumb slipped between your lips, you moaned, ran your tongue over and around, sucking, and then he was working the button of your shorts, his long, deft fingers finding the waistband of your panties, sliding and teasing along the line of sensitive skin and  _oh_  if he would just go a  _little_  lower and… Wait.

Through the haze of lust, you realized what was happening, bit his thumb till he withdrew, tried to wrestle from his grip.

“You dickhead, you’re just trying to distract me with sex!”

Rick snorted, but didn’t deny the accusation.

“Yyyeah well, you’re a slut for my cock it uh - i-i-it usually works.”

Glaring at him, you swatted his hands away, poked a finger in his bony chest.

“Not this time it won’t. I won, you lost. Go sit down.”

He growled but obeyed, perched on the edge of your couch, his shoulders slumped. Rick’s posture was horrible by default, but when he pouted it was noticeably worse. You climbed behind him, tucked your thighs beneath you to reach the wiry, unruly blue-gray mess. As soon as you ran your fingers through his hair, Rick went stiff, tried to pull away, but you reminded him of the terms, and he stilled.

It wasn’t until you took a chance, and albeit you  _knew_  it was a chance, pressed a quick kiss to his bald spot, that he sprang from his seat, whirled on you with a snarl, his lips twisted.

“W-w-what the fuck was that?!”

But you weren’t apologetic, snorted to suppress your laughter and, failing, allowed it to take over. You’d wanted to do that for  _so long,_  but knew he would never agree, and so you’d performed your  _own_ sleight of hand, offered a  _different_  kind of distraction. But your glee was cut short when Rick pulled you to your feet, spun you around and forced you face down into the sofa. You knew where this was going, and when he leaned over, trapped your hands at your lower back, you grinned, rolled your hips against the line of his erection as he rocked into you.

“Y-y-you think - what? That was funny, huh? That I would - I-I-I don’t know, turn into a fucking prince when you kissed it?”

The laughter came back and you gave in. It made your shoulders shake as he pulled at the waistband of your shorts.

“But Rick, it’s so cute! I just wanted to kiss it once!”

_That_  was the wrong thing to say, and he flipped you over, pinned you again. His face was a scowl as he undid his belt buckle, took down his fly, freed his massive cock. You licked your lips at the sight, eager. 

“Y-y-you wanna kiss something, slut? How about my - try kissing my fucking dick.”

As if he would  _ever_ have to tell you twice.


	48. Biker Rick x Reaader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> motorcycle handjob

It really was unintentional. **  
**

Your arms were almost always wrapped around Rick when you were on the back of the bike as it afforded you a rare opportunity to hold him. His lithe frame was a small comfort in what was otherwise a brutal life, and you treasured every moment of closeness he would allow. So when your hands slipped over his stomach, down his narrow hips, even lower to cup the bulge of his massive cock and balls, you couldn’t help but press a kiss to the side of his neck as the warmth of your desire spread and enveloped you, made you bold. Rick barely reacted, just bit his lip and gave a small nod to indicate you should continue.

You did.

Undoing his belt buckle and bringing down his fly, you reached into his briefs, grasped his forming erection. He moaned, a noise you could barely hear over the combined sounds of the wind and roar of the motorcycle, but you _felt_  it. It vibrated out through his back into your chest, and your arousal spiked, hot and insistent, pooled between your thighs. Over the din, you heard him encourage you - “Make me cum, slut. Go on.”

Spitting into your palm, you gripped his cock again and began to stroke. It wasn’t easy, you didn’t have much range, but you were determined. You sucked on his earlobe, earning yourself a groan, and as you continued to pump, you felt him try to thrust up into your hand, saw his knuckles go white on the grips of the handlebars.

“ _Fffuck,_  baby. Just like that - keep going.”

His voice came to you muffled, but you heard him just the same. This was dangerous, risky, but like all things involving Rick, if your life wasn’t in peril then something had obviously gone awry. Since meeting, nothing had been as it seemed and you’d learned early on that trouble managed to find him no matter where he went. It was just another facet, another spoke in the wheel of this nomadic existence which you willingly accepted.

Rick rocked his hips in time. You could tell he was losing control, and you shouted, told him to pull over. Miraculously, he obeyed, and as soon as the engine sputtered to a stop you jumped off the back, sank to your knees. Both of you were shaky as you worked to remove his cock from the confines of his trousers, but as soon as he was free you took him into your mouth, allowed him to shove down your throat, fuck your face. Rick was desperate, frantic, and within moments he was close to release.

“Ffuck yes, slut. That’s - oh goddamnit! I-I-I’m gonna cum in that pretty little mouth and  shhhit - !”  
  
He fisted your hair and thrust in once, hard. You savored the flavor, the salt and musk, and when his cum hit the back of your throat you swallowed instinctively, his load bitter as it hit your tongue. Knowing better than to pull back, you waited until he relaxed and then let his softening cock fall from your mouth. When you looked up at him, he grinned.

“Preeeeetty sure that counts as road head, baby.”

You had to agree.


	49. Cop Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> may I request a Cop Rick and reader? (inspired by this old post saying ''you kissed me on the neck, you're not leaving this room unfucked'') I thought it might be hot and funny. Love your fanfics

Rick had said: “You kissed me on the neck, you’re not leaving this room unfucked.” **  
**

And you laughed, assumed he was being playful. Rick, _your_  Rick, rarely set that side of himself free. Cop was self-contained, steady, balanced. He didn’t indulge his baser desires, the capricious sexual impulses which so many other Ricks let direct their thoughts and actions.

No, Cop was _different_.

But Cop was still a Rick, which was how you found yourself face down on the bed, his long fingers digging into the soft skin of your hips as he fucked you, his thick cock splitting you open with each thrust. His chosen pace was relentless, and your hands were bunched in the bed sheets as you drooled and moaned and called his name, begging, pleading with him to make you cum. Your cunt throbbed, the stiff button of your clitoris swollen and neglected, and oh my  _god_ if he didn’t reach for it soon you were going to shatter.

“Rick,  _please_! I can’t - I  _need_  - “

He groaned, a deep, carnal sound of pure lust, and when he found the slick flesh, pressed two fingers there, you stuffed your knuckles in your mouth to muffle the sob of pleasure, that guttural noise you could not contain.

“Go on, baby. Ffuck you’re so beautiful and - and so perfect. Say my name when you -  _unnng -_  when you cum for me.”

That was your downfall. The sweet tension peaked and burst, and with it your release hit in a glorious rush of bliss. You obeyed his command, cried his name in devotion. He slowed to let you savor the ecstasy, reigning himself in though you knew he was struggling, desperate to chase you down into that abyss. Rolling his hips, he found his rhythm again once you’d stilled, and with that his restraint disappeared along with his patience and he pounded you, his narrow hips slapping against your ass and thighs. He was close, he told you, so close and you felt so good and you were so gorgeous and then his words bled and ran to incoherence as he thrust in once, twice and then stalled, moaning your name, clinging to you as he came.

Rick caught his breath - it only took a moment - and when he pulled out, he immediately rolled you over, pressed his mouth to yours in a deep kiss. You wrapped your arms around his neck, could feel his cum leaking from your pussy, but you didn’t care. When he finally broke away, he rested his forehead against yours, inhaled. It was a deep breath that expanded his narrow rib cage.

“Y-y-you ok, baby?”

You smiled, closed your eyes, enjoying the feel of his skin and his presence and the familiar comfort of his body.

“Yeah… Yeah, Rick. I’m fine.”

He kissed you again, softer this time, the previous urgency now evaporated along with the overwhelming greed, that lascivious impulse which had held and gripped him.

“ _Good_. I-I-I gotta go to work.”

And as he separated himself, you propped up on your elbows, watched as he collected his clothes. You took in his sharp hip bones, the narrow waist and shoulders, his long limbs - acknowledged the budding heat he always inspired.

“Hey, Rick?”

“Hmm, yeah?”

You paused, suddenly unsure, but now that you’d begun you knew it was best to see it through, and so you continued.

“You should fuck me like that more often.”

One end of his unibrow quirked up and he smiled, amused.

“Yeah, baby? Y-y-you liked that?”

Dropping his trousers, he leaned over you, ran a thumb along your bottom lip. You released a shaky breath, nodded.

“Ye… yeah. I liked it a lot.”

He grinned, kissed the corner of your mouth and whispered:

“Me, too.”


	50. Cop Rick x Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick in a MOTHERUCKIN' suit

How many times had you seen Cop in uniform? You didn’t know. Hundreds, at least. But every time, you appreciated it. He wore it well - the navy blue pants, the button down shirt, the vest - it all worked, accentuated his lithe frame, those long limbs. You loved how tall he was, that despite your own above average height he still managed to dwarf you.

You’d seen Rick in jeans and a t-shirt, just his underwear, fully nude. You’d seen him fresh from the shower, a towel wrapped around his slim hips. You’d seen him wearing a robe in the morning, sipping his coffee while he scrolled through his phone. Yet the one thing you’d never seen him wear was a suit.

Until now.

Policeman’s Ball, he’d said, and the dress code was strict. He’d had this specific item tailor made to compliment his lanky body - Cop was particular about the fit of his clothes - and so when he stepped out of the portal and you laid eyes on him for the first time that evening, you forgot how to breathe.

He was _exquisite_. The lines of the suit exact, perfect. The pants were tight enough to highlight his slender thighs, but not so much they looked uncomfortable, and the jacket broadened his shoulders just enough to emphasize his narrow waist. At his neck sat a skinny tie that stopped right above his belt buckle. The whole ensemble was black instead of blue, but the effect was the same; arousal, thick and insistent, spiked and then pooled down between your legs, made you lick your lips.

 _Fuck_  he was beautiful.

By the time he made his way to you, the expression on his face was one of quizzical amusement. You’d at least managed to gather your wits enough so that when he smiled, cupped your face, told you how gorgeous you looked, you could hum and nod and pretend as if you weren’t drowning in a well of your own unchecked lust.

Rick’s brow furrowed, the corner of his mouth quirked up.

“Y-y-you ok, baby?”

You blinked, shook your head. Your hands trembled at your side, but at last they found their momentum and you bunched them in the lapels of his coat, jerked him forward to smash your lips together. He moaned at the contact, his hands moving to encircle your waist, down further to grab your ass and pull you against him. You could feel his forming erection, the hard, hot length of his cock along your hip, and it took all of your self control not to drop to your knees right then and take him into your mouth.

Finally, you broke the kiss, whined into his collar. How could you even begin to articulate the raw need, the all encompassing, irrational desire which had gripped and absolutely consumed you? You had to try.

“Rick, please don’t be mad but… I’d much rather fuck you in that suit then go to some stupid dinner.”

The grin he gave in response was wide, lascivious. You palmed his cock through his pants, relished his deep groan, how his hips rolled at your touch. He pressed a wet kiss to your neck and you arched to him, pushing your tits against his chest. That made him chuckle.

“Y-y-you want me to leave it on?”

And the only response you could manage before you succumbed to him completely was: “Oh _god_ , yes.” 


	51. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dwc prompt : "Rick? What's with the suit? I'm pretty sure it's illegal." Takes off shades. "Literally everything about this is illegal"

You don’t  _know_  why he’s wearing that suit, you don’t  _care_  why he’s wearing that suit. The only thing that registers  - well, it’s two things really - is that you’re drunk, and he is entirely too attractive for a 70 year old, alcoholic, science grandpa.

Slurring your words, you gesture.

“Rick, what’s with the suit? I’m pretty sure it’s illegal.”  _To look that fucking hot_ , is the part you don’t say.

But he just laughs, takes off his shades. His eyes roam - over your face, your tits, the curve of your hips - and he grins, lascivious.

“Baby, literally  _everything_  about this is illegal.”

With those words, he bites his lip, motions you over. You’re in no mood to argue and you move closer, straddle his hips, resting your ass on his thighs. When he grips you, rocks you forward against his erection, you whine, push your breasts to his chest. Grabbing the slim tie in your hand, you yank to pull him closer, your desire now a persistent pulse undulating beneath the pleasant buzz of the liquor. While part of you realizes this is a gamble - your Rick is  _very_ dominant - the alcohol, combined with your own need has made you brazen, foolish.

But while he growls at your insubordination, Rick is surprisingly lenient. Allows himself to be jerked around by the makeshift noose about his neck. He reaches his threshold quickly, however, wresting control back from you by fisting his hand in your hair hard enough to make your eyes water. He smirks in your face, he finds your desperation amusing.

“Aaaalright, baby. That’s enough. I-i-if I’da known this was how you were gonna react, I wouldn’t have worn this fucking thing.”

You keen, roll your hips against his clothed cock. Your cunt is slick and aching and you  _want_  him. But he holds your pleasure in the palm of his hand - he always has - and all you can do in this moment is hope he’s feeling merciful.

“Rick, please. I’m so  - I  _need_   - “

A shake of his head and a chuckle.

“W-w-what you  _need_  is my dick. Isn’t that right, slut?”

He orders you to rise up so he can free himself from the confines of his trousers only to grip your waist and lower you down onto his thick length. You moan. It hurts at first, it  _always_ hurts at first he’s so big, but you love it, oh  _god_  you love it, and as you start to roll your hips, you whisper his name and he groans, low and guttural.

“Nnnnf ffuck that’s - that’s my good little slut. Fuck you’re so tight and wet and unng - y-y-you like my riding my fat cock, baby?”  
  
And what else can you do except sob the one word both of you know to be true?

“ _Yes!”_


	52. Generic Rick x Gender Neutral Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick's Heartbeat
> 
> CW: CHARACTER DEATH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a prompt received by my internet BFF and when she told me about it I loved it, so we both wrote something for it.

Rick’s heartbeat. You could probably count on one hand the occasions you’ve been close enough to him - those instances where he was too drunk or hungover or distracted to maintain his status as a human cactus - to actually hear it, feel it. **  
**

There was the time you hugged him while he was standing in your kitchen, shirtless. Pressing your ear to his bony chest, you closed your eyes and listened to the rhythmic thumping, allowed it to remind you that for all of his arrogance and charm, his imperious nature, his immense genius, Rick was still  _human_.

Once, when you’d been too inebriated to walk, he’d scooped you up, carried you. He’d complained the entire time about how you were going to break his old back with this shit and what the hell is wrong with you, don’t you know how to drink by now? But that simple gesture had allowed you to rest your head against him and you heard it again. His heart. It was then you realized you were smitten, that you would do anything for this deranged, infuriating, brilliant man who was more than twice your age. It was also the moment you came to the painful understanding that one day he would walk away from you forever. Of course, you never told him any of that. Those were secrets you kept deeply buried.

On the rare occasions he spent the night, he would wrap himself around you when he fell asleep. You learned Rick sought comfort and warmth when he was unconscious (though he always denied it the next day) and one morning before the sun came up, you placed your hand to the gaunt plane of his chest and you felt it. It was slow and steady, almost hypnotic, and you let its consistent beat lull you back into dreamless slumber.

But now that solid, reliable noise, that evidence of life - _his_  life - was gone.

 _Rick_  was gone.

Sitting in front of his headstone - the family had insisted on the formality - you took another swig of whiskey. It was the same one he always drank - some cheap, bottom shelf swill - but the smell and taste of it, the way it burned your tongue and throat on the way down, it would remind you of him for the rest of your life. You didn’t know how long you’d been there, long enough to at least get good and drunk, but you knew you needed to go. Getting to your feet, you stumbled, swayed, and then poured out the last of the alcohol onto the little plot of land which contained the body of a man you loved so much you could never,  _would_  never, actually say it out loud. You always knew the repercussions of that action would have been catastrophic.

Placing the empty bottle on top of the grave marker, you closed your eyes and allowed yourself to utter the two words you had resolutely refused to accept. The finality of what they represented had been more than you could bear.

But it was time.

“Goodbye, Rick.”

The bottle you left as a tribute, an homage. It was a small thing. A memorial you knew Rick would appreciate.

Because as it turned out,  _you_  were the one who had to walk away forever.


	53. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick's drool glows in the dark. Inspired by this [amazing piece of art.](http://pluviofleur.tumblr.com/post/172208280470/dwc-ricks-drool-glows-in-the-dark)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Mentions of drool licking and spitting in Reader's mouth

The ever present drool on Rick’s chin and lower lip was a source of constant amusement and perverse fascination. You didn’t know how or why the obsession manifested - naturally, you knew where - but licking that sheen of saliva from his face was something which brought you a sick kind of pleasure. It was a wicked indulgence, but one Rick allowed, even going so far as to spit in your mouth on occasion, grinning and calling you a thirsty little slut who was addicted to something in his blood. **  
**

Of course, he was right.

You hadn’t noticed the difference at first. The sun was still up when you climbed into the passenger seat of his garbage ship to accompany him on an errand. Yet once away from the light pollution of the city and into the inky-blackness of space, you realized there was a neon-green glow emanating from his mouth. Staring was a good way to raise his ire - he barely afforded you the opportunity to admire him naked without a snarky reminder to quit your gawking - so you were aiming for discreet. As usual, however, Rick was entirely too perceptive, picked up on your peeks and glances, until finally he turned to you and stuck out his tongue. His unibrow was quirked up at one end, and he added the V of his fingers below his lips, presenting you with a lewd gesture

Your breath hitched as arousal spiked, thick and insistent. It suffused you, settling low and hot between your legs, because oh my  _god_  you wanted to reach over and kiss him just to see if it would make your saliva glow, too.

Without a word, his hand shot out, fisted in your hair, and he granted your unspoken wish. He bit you and you got the message, opened for him. Rick tasted like booze, he _always_  tasted like booze, but you _loved_ it, bunched your hands in the lapels of his lab coat as his tongue ran, hot and wet, within the confines of your mouth. The previous dull ache was now an emphatic thrum, and you squeezed your thighs together seeking sweet friction.

When he pulled away, his eyes were hooded, and you could see the fluorescent green string of spit which connected you to each other. You whined, resisted the urge to lick your lips lest you sever the tether. But Rick only smirked at your open need, the two bright pink spots high on your cheeks, the way you squirmed in your seat. He knew what you wanted.

Fresh desire surged when he removed his hard cock, forced you down onto his length, and the groan he released when you swallowed him was deep, guttural, though his words were entirely too amused.

“Y-y-you’re gonna such my dick till it glows, slut.”

All you could manage was a muffled sound in agreement, your mouth too full of him to be able to manage much more. But he wasn’t done yet and you heard him chuckle.

“A-a-and maybe when we get back, I’ll eat your pussy. Let’s see if we can’t make  _that_  glow, too.”


	54. Cop Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I would love to see some short fics! maybe what would Rick and reader do if they met after 1 to 3 weeks being away? (we all know Rick and his traveling shit) rough and desperate sex or lazy and taking his time kind of sex?

Rick didn’t give you the courtesy of a warning, merely pulled back the shower curtain and stepped inside. You shrieked at the sudden intrusion, offered protest, though the uncharacteristic darkness of his expression as he placed one hand to your chest and drove you back against the cool wetness of the tile made you gasp, your eyes go wide.

“Jesus Christ, Rick! Don’t Norman Bates me like that!”

But he grunted, ignored your comment, pressed himself to you. His massive erection nudged along the line of your hip, and his free hand went to your waist where those long fingers dug in, sharp and insistent.  Your arousal spiked and pooled, that bloom of warmth settling low and hot between your legs, and you whined, arched to him when he ran his thumb along your bottom lip. Sucking it into your mouth, you savored the salt of his skin, grazed your teeth along the flesh. The primal urgency he always managed to evoke, that carnal greed, it rose up, fogged your mind, debased you to a shameless, wanton creature.

How long had he been gone? Two weeks, maybe three. The time and distance was just enough to remind you how much you wanted him, _needed_ him. It seemed the feeling was mutual. He watched you, his breath shaky, pupils blown wide with lust.

_“Fffuck, baby I missed you so much.”_

And then he kissed you. It was desperate, bruising, and when he bit down, you opened willingly. He tasted sweet, like peppermint, and you moaned into his mouth, tangled your hands in his hair. When he slid one and then two fingers inside your aching cunt, pressed his palm to your clit, you rolled your hips, broke away to call his name, to beg him.

“Rick,  _please_!”

You didn’t have to ask twice. He withdrew, ordered you to turn around. With both hands he gripped your hips, angled you just right, and thrust in, filling you. Even with the preparation it stung; his cock was too thick, too big, to be comfortable at first. But he was kind, and despite his obvious desire to rut you, he tempered his movements, allowed you to adjust. Pressing a kiss to your shoulder, he grunted as he struggled to maintain control.

“Ohhnnn…. Y-you’re so - so tight and - and wet You’re so fucking beautiful, baby. So - _nnnf -_ so perfect.

You moaned, pushed back against him. After this separation, this lengthy denial, you wanted him to claim you, and with your desire bouncing and buzzing beneath your skin you granted him a sweet mercy.

“Rick.  _Pease._  I need - I need you to fuck me.”

Rick groaned, deep and guttural, nipped at your neck, and picked up a savage rhythm. The obscene sounds of his hips slapping against the backs of your thighs were muffled by the consistent rush of water, through your staccato sobs as he fucked you seemed to carry above the din. It was too soon, but you were already so close, the sweet tension building and threatening, this prolonged abstinence proving too much to endure. Reaching for your clit, you clenched, heard him as he urged you, pushed you towards the edge. He loved to hear you fall apart.

“Go on, baby. I-I-I can feel you - can feel you squeezing my dick. Ffuck your - you feel so good. Your pussy feels so good and I missed you so much. Please baby - cum for me. Say my - say my name.”

His words were your undoing and with them your pleasure unraveled. The delicious bliss of your release peaked, swallowed you, rendered coherent thought impossible. You called his name over and over as his thick cock filled you and he followed you to his own completion. Rick stalled, groaned, whispered your name into your skin and then his movements slowed as he filled you with his cum.

The white noise of the shower permeated the silence as you waited to catch your breath. When he pulled out, he turned you around, kissed you deep and long. You returned his passion, savored the affection. He broke it to sprinkle smaller kisses on your cheeks and nose before you decided to ask the obvious question.

“So, how has work been?”

He chuckled, kissed you again, softer this time. Cop’s usual demeanor - his propriety and restraint, his poise - had been restored in the afterglow.

“I-i-it’s been  _hell_ , baby. But seeing you again? It makes it aaaaall worth it.”

You smiled pressed your forehead to his chest. He wrapped his arms around you and let the warm water wash away the rest.


	55. Generic Rick x Gender Neutral Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you've ever listened to drugs by eden but I have always thought it would be great inspiration for an angsty Rick fic. Unfortunately, I'm shit at writing lol
> 
> “That all these feelings don’t mean shit to me. ‘Cause it’s all just chemicals anyway…”

You see him once. Then you see him again. And again.

And again.

It’s almost always the same time, and it’s  _always_  the same place - the liquor store where you buy your beer. The man is tall, unfairly tall, and skinny. The kind of skinny which reminds you of alcoholics, or people who substitute booze for food. He’s old, his head is topped with a spiky bloom of unruly blue-gray hair, and he has a bald spot. His nose is long, his face a permanent scowl. There are frown lines around his mouth, bags under his eyes, his cheeks are gaunt and drool seems to perpetually stain his lower lip. For whatever reason he wears a  _lab coat_  over his blue shirt, and every time he catches you staring he glares and leaves without a word.

You know him. You  _know_  you know him but you can’t, it doesn’t, why won’t it just come to you?

That face, his face. It’s like an echo, a specter… or maybe a faded memory. A hazy recollection. The act of viewing a familiar movie through dirty glass; you can make out some generalities but not specifics, recognize parts but cannot interpret the whole.

Next time, you tell yourself, as you watch his lithe form stalk away. Next time you’ll ask.

Next time doesn’t come for nearly a month, but then, just as he disappeared, he materializes - your ghost, your phantom.

You don’t hesitate. You’re certain. You’re  _convinced._

You confront him.

“We know each other.”

At the sound of your voice he goes stiff, turns to you. His jaw is tight, unibrow a V of annoyance as he scowls down from his great height. He’s frustrated or angry, or maybe that’s just his default state? But you’re not going to back down. You’ve waited long enough.

You repeat yourself, emphatic.

“We _know_  each other.”

He growls, and when he speaks alarms go off in your mind, sirens of fear and rage and disbelief because oh my god  _you know_  you know, and how did he do it  _what the fuck_  WHAT THE FUCK -

He denies  _everything_.

“What are you, a real life version of Missed Connections? Learn that line from The Pickup Artist? I-I-I - you don’t fucking know me. You’re wrong. Now go - get - go on. Leave me the hell alone.”

You’re a shaking tower, a trembling mass of ineffectual fury because his name  _his name_  you know his name what was his name WHAT IS HIS NAME.

It comes to you in a flash of brilliance and oh no oh god why  _why_  -

“You’re Rick.”

You didn’t think it possible, but he blanches, his eyes go wide and he takes a step back.

“Your name is  _Rick_. Your name is Rick Sanchez of - of Earth Dimension C-137, and - and oh my GOD what did you do to me?!”

The high-pitched panic of your voice is loud in the confines of the store, but before you can attract too much attention the man whose name you now remember pulls out a glowing, green gun from the confines of his lab coat, points it at the wall and fires. It produces a swirling vortex, another rush of memories return at the sight, and then he grabs your arm and shoves you through.

You land hard on the concrete floor of a garage, scramble to your feet, and as you take stock of your surroundings you’re flooded with visions. This, _all_ of this, is familiar. The shelves full of miscellaneous tools, the half-finished experiments, the random equipment. You  _remember._

You remember the salacious rendezvous, the feel of his hands on your skin, his lips on your neck, the way he always tasted of booze. You remember his quick wit and acerbic nature, his brilliance and insanity. You remember how he invaded your life, consumed you, burned you down until you were nothing but ashes. You remember _him._

Rick is behind you, and as the portal disappears with a pop he advances, pushes you up against the line of the workbench, trapping you. It presses into your lower back and you hiss with the pain but you don’t avert your eyes. He doesn’t deserve your docility, not after what he did.

He places a hand flat on either side of you, looming. You know he’s trying to intimidate you - you remember _this_ too - and though your voice trembles you ask him, you  _have_  to ask him.

“Why did you do it? Why did you erase my memories of you?”

But he ignores your question, grips your jaw, studies you. He’s frowning as he searches your face, dissecting and cataloging, picking you apart. You ask again, the rage giving way to desperation, confusion.

“Rick… _Why_?”

Using his free hand, he reaches behind you and you can hear him searching, the sound of objects being shuffled. When he brings his arm around he’s holding something  _else_  you recognize, and panic suffuses you. You _do_  begin to struggle, to try and escape, because no no no NO NOT AGAIN. But he fists your hair and yanks, forces you to look at him. The fear tastes like bile in your throat, and you bunch your hands in the lapels of his lab coat. You’re frozen in place because you know what’s coming next and if he would just tell you _why._

Rick confesses. It’s the last thing he ever says to you.

Aligning the memory gun with your eyes he mumbles two words:

“Irrational attachments.”

And pulls the trigger.


	56. Priest Rick x Fem Reader

“Tell me again,  _whore.”_ **  
**

“Father - Father, I - _oh fuck!”_

His large, flat palm connects with your bare ass and you yelp. The sound is loud, obscene in the small space of his private office. You’re bent at the waist, legs quivering, entirely nude aside from a pair of thigh high stockings he insisted you wear, yet he remains fully clothed. Every time he circles around you’re able to see the outline of his massive cock, and you’re eager, desperate. He only ever fills your mouth or ass, his girth initially stretching you past the point of comfort until you adjust, and then he fucks you and you beg - you  _always_  beg - that he might let you cum.

But right now, he’s not interested in your entreaties, your boundless pleas. His breathing is rapid, uneven, and his pacing is increased. You know what this means. He only wants one thing: he wants to  _break_  you.

“ _Again_. Say - say it  _again._  Satanic slut. Devil’s concubine. Y-y-you - tell me  _again_.”

You gasp, grit your teeth when two, long fingers run through the lips of your slick cunt. Your arousal is already sharp, undeniable, and you know you’re wet and wanton, but he will continue to refuse you the thing you want most until he is positive, absolutely  _certain_ , you’re his entirely. He leans over, firsts your hair, yanks. It forces you to arch your back and you keen at the strain.

“Father - Father Rick! Please.  _Please_. I - I need you to fuck me!”

He chuckles, it’s low and dark, and then his voice is in your ear; gruff and amused and full of lust.

“Y-y-you want my cock, slut? Want me to - need me to fuck you until you’re screaming and asking for forgiveness?”

You manage a breathless _“Yes!_ ” That sweet misery, your primal need, it’s brutal, all encompassing. If he doesn’t fuck you soon, you’re going to lose whatever relic of your self-control remains, but then again, that’s his goal. There’s the sound of his pants coming undone - the zip of a fly - and then the fat head of his cock slides along your slit to gather the moisture.

“Filthy little slut. Y-y-you always want what you can’t have. That’s how it - it’s always like that with you depraved whores.”

He presses in enough,  _just enough,_ to tease you, and oh _god_  the sensation, the pleasure after such a lengthy refusal makes you wail his name. And then he withdraws. You sob at the loss, yet all he does is  _laugh._ You hear as he tucks himself away, and then he’s in front of you, gripping your jaw. His expression is all smug, self-satisfaction, and with that you  _know_  you’re walking away unfulfilled.

“I know  _God_ says good things come to those who wait. But baby, I-I-I’m _not_  him.”


	57. Generic Rick x Fem Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW: Rough sex, anal sex

Disobedience comes with consequences. You know this. You know the repercussions of defying Rick, and yet you’re not naturally subservient. Absolute surrender requires the perfect combination - something he intuited with frightening precision shortly after you’d met - but once he puzzled over it, dissecting you, taking you apart as if you were a particularly intractable device, you were his.

“Stop fucking squirming, slut.”

You’re struggling, flushed and sweaty, breath shaky. He has you pinned to the wall, one large hand at your hip, those deft fingers digging little half-moons into your skin. With his other, he grips your hair. The hold is fierce and he shows you no mercy, forcing your neck back at an awkward angle as he fills your ass. Half-coherent, your cunt slick and empty, you whimper as he fucks you hard and deep and slow, ensuring you feel every inch.  You beg him, you  _beg_  him, because oh god oh god  _please Rick please!_

But he denies you. For now.

“Y-y-you wanna cum, baby? Dirty slut - you’re such a good little whore with my - when my fat dick is in your ass, but the rest of the time y-you’re a mouthy, back talking  _shit._ ”

He’s right, _of course_ , he’s right. One of his favorite things to do is remind you how replaceable you are, especially when you toe the line. But you’re addicted to this, to  _him_ , and he knows it, exploits it. And so you wallow in that pit of prurient misery just for a chance to stay tethered to this deranged, brilliant, infuriating man.

There’s a growl, and he bites you at the juncture of your neck and shoulder. Pleasure and pain swell, converge into one, and you wail his name as he rolls the flesh between his teeth. You’ll have bruises tomorrow, a beautiful road map, souvenirs of the places he’s been. And you will cherish all of them.

He lifts and you clench, the delicious tension rising and winding and so close  _fuck_  you’re so close if he would just _let you_.

And he relents.

“Cum for me, baby. Do it. Say my - lemme hear my name.”

Your hand drops, fingers find the stiff little button of your clit, slide in the wetness because you’re wanton and desperate and  _oh_  the bliss is white, blinding perfection. You keen once, high and loud, before your pleasure unravels entirely and you fall apart. Release takes you, shatters you, and Rick is relentless, fucks you through it, his cock filling your ass again and again as he issues a string of filth in that gruff voice. He groans, sinks to the hilt, his load hot and slick, and when he finally withdraws you collapse.

Your knees hit the floor hard enough to hurt, but you don’t notice. You’re sated, exhausted. Rick fists your hair, jerks your head back, and you grin at him, all pink cheeks and unconditional devotion.

“Open up, slut.”

You obey, and he spits into your waiting mouth, smirks when you swallow, pats your jaw with his free hand. You can feel his cum leaking from your ass, yet you hold your place at his feet; an adoring supplicant before the altar. And when he tells you how beautiful you are, how absolutely gorgeous you look when you let him destroy you, all you can do is close your eyes and smile.

Because he’s right. He’s _always_ right.


End file.
